karma is a beeyotch

May 29, 2008 at 6:39 pm Leave a comment

walking through the park with my daughter the other day i nearly stepped on a baby bird. scared and seemingly injured he tried to fly away but in realizing his inability simply screeched at me with all his little might. his situation tore at my heart strings and i wasn’t sure what to do. the nest he’d fallen from was too high to hope getting him back into. his protective parents anxiously watching were coming a little too close to my daughter for my own parental comfort. and i had no idea how to care for him should i even attempt to take him home. i walked away knowing i was lying when i told my daughter he would be fine and not to worry.

an hour later, in the comfort of home, the guilt wouldn’t dissipate and we went in search. i still had no idea what i would do but i had to do something. to my dismay he was just out of grasp in a tangle of vines and bushes of the nearby woods and every attempt to reach only scared him deeper and deeper. i had no choice but to leave again and this time the lies i told were to myself hoping i could somehow find a way to accept the laws of nature.

for a moment, i felt almost silly. it was a bird. nothing spectacular. no endangered species or exceptional variety. i was merely witness to darwin’s theory on natural selection. survival of the fittest. who was i to play “god” and interfere with the ways of mother nature. and then strangely i found myself thinking of him. imagining how stupid he would have made me feel. he who would have likely “accidentally” stepped on it with the excuse it had to be put out of its misery. he who nearly broke my spirit with his own emptiness.

but i wasn’t being silly nor stupid. i was merely living by a value i choose to hold strong; compassion. i genuinely care. about all creatures great and small. about friends and family or strangers i’ve yet to meet. it’s not unusual for me to cry at a sad news story as my heart breaks for those involved. i try to put myself in someones shoes and respect how my actions make them feel. i know that i revolve with the world. the world does not revolve around me. it seems a simple concept and i can’t imagine being devoid of that knowledge.

yet he and too many others simply seem to have no regard or concern for anyone other than themselves. not a classic egoist. not stuck-up, vain or materialistic. but simply devoid of compassion. apathetic to all that surrounds them. purely narcissistic. there was a time it made me angry. i would take it personally. i let it make me question my own heart. but now i find only sadness for them. those that feel a need to approach the world with cold-hearted cruelty.

a world devoid of the euphoria of love and compassion. what a lonely place to be.

 

 

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Entry filed under: life, random, relationships.

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