June 3, 2008 at 10:35 pm Leave a comment

though i don’t forsee a wedding anytime in my near future, and though i continually stress my independence and comfort in solitude, i have to admit that someday i would love to share my life with someone. i won’t settle and i’m in no rush. but i know that somewhere out there is the man who is my bestfriend, lover, confidant, partner and ultimately, my husband. but more and more i’m begin to wonder if i’m better off exactly where i am. single and essentially happy though sometimes a bit lonely. because everytime i feel as though i can believe in love. everytime i start to open up my heart to the possibility that there is a happily ever after. i’m reminded that things aren’t always as they seem.

i am divorced. twice actually. and surprisingly my own failed marriages play little role in my jaded nature. the first ended due to youth and immaturity. the second simply from different life paths, dreams and needs. in spite of infidelity in the first and some lingering bitterness from the second, i regret neither and have learned from them what i want and deserve in future relationships. my past in no way minimizes my hopes and dreams for a deep, sincere, committed love.

but it’s what i see everyday. with friends. aquaintances. strangers. he who says he’s happy is spending his lunch hour leading on the other woman. she who pretends to have the perfect home is filling the void with the cliched pool boy who merely brings more emptiness. they that barely exist together only truly live when apart.

i don’t neccesarily define infidelity as that of the relationship but more so as that of yourself. i don’t condone staying in a marriage of neccesity anymore than i agree with straying for simple physical pleasure. if you’re happy, stay and fight for what your heart desires. if you’re not, realize that the truth is ultimately less painful than years upon years of lies. there’s no harsher a critic than what you’ll find within.

don’t try to live the double life. a simple one-time thing or a regular indulgence. a meaningless fling or a slip-and-fall-in-love. no one benefits. no one survives unscathed. no one.

 i know.


Entry filed under: relationships.

karma is a beeyotch boston

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