now is the summer of my discontent

August 6, 2008 at 10:03 am 5 comments

i’m in a rut. plain and simple. my every week is the same. day in and day out. up at 5:30. get my daughter up at 5:45. walk the dog at 6:30. leave for work at 6:50. i time it to the minute. routine. mondays, wednesdays and fridays i’m at the gym. two miles fast on the tread before weight training. tuesdays a 4-6 mile tempo run. thursdays track sprints with the group. saturdays my long run. sundays are usually workout free unless i’m bored. i do add fun. i don’t subject my daughter to a schedule of pure boredom. weekends we keep busy at the beach or the park. a movie maybe or busch gardens. sometimes when she’s at her dad’s i even throw in a night out with the girls. or the rare date i give in to. but come monday, you can time my every move. predictable.

i need something yet i’ve no idea what it is or how to do it. if i don’t stay on schedule, i’m late for work. if i don’t follow the training path, i won’t be ready for the marathon. so how do i shake up a world that has structure for a reason? how can i let loose and have fun and still be the responsible parent i need to be? earlier today a friend told me to go do something out of character … like skydive. but i don’t think a one-time adventure will solve my woes. not to mention the fact that i have enough anxiety getting into a plane none-the-less jumping out of one. another friend worried i was depressed and ensured a shoulder to cry on. but i’m not sad or riding the edge of a breakdown. i’m simply restless. for the first time in my life i feel average. ordinary.

i want to travel to far off foreign lands and explore ancient ruins. i want to salsa dance until 3 a.m. on the arm of an adonis with an insatiable sexual appetite. i want to squish grapes between my toes in a wooden barrel at a little vineyard in southern italy. i want to climb mountains. sail seas. drive fast. i want to experience everything this vast world has to offer.

yet my only foreseeable travels are to visit friends and family in massachusetts. i have two left feet on the dance floor and with my luck, adonis would likely end up being gay. the only grape i’ll squish is the one that inadvertently gets dropped and left on the kitchen floor. and driving too fast isn’t economical with the cost of gas these days.

bored and boring. i’m going to scream!!!!!!

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, fear, life, relationships. Tags: , , , .

save the ta-tas nickles and dimes

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Teresa  |  August 6, 2008 at 10:46 am

    Wish I could do all the same crazy dreams you have… hopefully I’ll make time to before I graduate and become a Real adult, with responsibilities and commitments.

    Reply
  • 2. gr4c5  |  August 7, 2008 at 7:14 am

    i fell into this rut when i was training, too. That’s only because it felt like my whole life revolved around the run. Plain and simple (and you know this): there is no time for anything else. At least, not right now. Be patient. Once the MARATHON is over you can add that to your list of accomplishments and think how incredibly NOT boring that is. Don’t be bored by your dedication to something so huge. You’ll have time for grapes later! 😉

    Reply
  • 3. gr4c5  |  August 7, 2008 at 7:15 am

    ps~ am i going crazy or did you edit your blog?

    Reply
  • 4. becelisa  |  August 7, 2008 at 8:29 am

    i never really looked at it that way but you’re absolutely right. i forget that what i’m doing isn’t normal and it will be a huge accomplishment. i suppose i’m not so boring after all. just damn impatient for grapes … and my adonis! 😉

    and yes, ms. word observant. minor edit but yes, i did.

    Reply
  • 5. routine reminiscing « becelisa  |  December 13, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    […] 13, 2010 it wasn’t long ago that i had a routine. week in and week out of a structured existence. and it wasn’t that long ago that i was bored by it. felt i was in a rut. but now without that […]

    Reply

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the best of times

5k pr ~ 24:23
10k pr ~ 52:49
half marathon pr ~ 1:55:10
marathon pr ~ 4:10:41
half ironman pr ~ 5:57:50
50k pr ~ 5:33:23
50-mile pr ~ 11:32:39

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