beautiful disaster

November 6, 2008 at 9:56 pm 2 comments

he didn’t see me that first week. i was buried in a crossword puzzle. quiet. off to the side. but i saw him. he had a presence that i couldn’t ignore and to not be obvious, i watched his reflection in the glass in front of me. he was young. too young for me. and the motorcycle helmet he carried was almost an instant turn off yet strangely alluring. i’ve never been drawn to the “bad boy” type but here i was unable to take my eyes of the ghostlike reflection in front of me.

weeks later when we first spoke, i found myself strangely intimidated. a tongue tied aloofness i’m rarely plagued by. he was everything i never wanted. yet i wanted him more than anything. i pleaded desperately within myself and i searched for the rationalization i needed to walk away from making a mistake.

but it was his words that drew me in completely. pained writing from the depth of his soul. experiences he had faced. memories and stories of another time. another man. one that he clearly chooses not to show outside the comforting walls of the written word.

his charisma is intense. intoxicating. intriguing. i’m mesmerized. caught somewhere between rationality and a place i know so little about. when he touches me, i’m instantly lost in the intensity. we grab for each other desperately. an indescribable mix of desire and need. the logic and control that define us is gone. two analytical minds. two souls hiding behind the rationality we need to maintain control. caught off guard by the unexpected.

lying there with my head on his chest running my fingers through his soft dark hair i try not to search for a definition. can i simply live in the moment. this amazing moment. or will this be what i’ve already decided it will be. nothing more than a beautiful disaster.


Entry filed under: fear, relationships. Tags: , , .

day 22 9 weeks ’til mickey

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jen M.  |  March 23, 2011 at 12:23 am

    such great words, i found this entry through a tag search and it made me hope that this ended well. i looked further but i didn’t see much else about who i thought might be this man. you write with such passion about him, i was hoping for a happy ending to this post. i always wonder about encounters like these, are they sent to us as reminders of what to watch out for or as reminders about the passion we need in our lives.

  • 2. becelisa  |  March 23, 2011 at 6:52 am

    wow. you commenting on this took me back to that time and those feelings. it was, sadly, a beautiful disaster. somehow i knew it would be. but it also awakened in me something that had been lost for a long time so for that i will always be thankful.


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