perfection

February 17, 2009 at 5:42 pm 1 comment

there are a handful of things i readily claim to be good at ~ very good at ~ and one of those things is self-assessment. having grown up with a shrink for a father, i learned at a very young age to attempt to determine why i behave certain ways. as much as i hated it as a child, it’s been ingrained into my nature and i can’t help but analyze and reflect on my every life choice almost obsessively. having become the consummate rationalist, i often avoid leading myself down roads of potentially self destructive behavior. but sometimes a behavior assessed ~ even one with a clear reason for existence ~ leaves me ambivalent to a solution.

there are very few areas of my life where i do not feel capable. do i excel to great heights at all i do? no, of course not. but there is little i find i can’t succeed at if i put my mind and heart to it. however, herein lies the problem, per se, that i have yet to figure out how to solve. i am never satisfied. i enjoy life. i treasure each day. and i know i have so much to be thankful for and proud of. but i always find myself looking beyond the rainbow seeking out the next mountain to climb.

a few months back i was blog surfing and stumbled across a statement that hit very close to home.

i’ll never be happy. because i’m always trying to make myself perfect or make something better.  it’s never good enough.  i’ll never be good enough for myself, so how can someone else be good enough for me?

i read those words over and over again trying to determine exactly why they resonated so deep.

today i sat down with the intention of defining my next challenge. another marathon? qualifying? or even the crazy thoughts as of late to climb a mountain or test for mensa. self improvement is like a drug to me and i crave having a specific goal. without something to work towards i feel almost incapable. but as i started writing down my options that blog kept coming to mind and i began to wonder. am i simply trying to better myself? to learn something about my inner strengths and desires. or am i in a vicious never ending cycle of the goal i can never achieve ~ perfection.

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Entry filed under: fear, life, random, relationships. Tags: , , , , , , , .

i surrender who’s to blame

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. sarah  |  February 17, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    great blog!

    remember there are people who love you just as u are!!

    Reply

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