first comes love, then comes marriage …

June 23, 2009 at 11:10 pm 4 comments

i have a crush. as random and schoolgirl a statement that may seem, it’s a huge milestone to me and i want to scream it from the nearest roof top to who ever will listen. it’s been a really rough road for me since boston. he’s a heartache i never quite recovered from and i’ll readily admit it’s because i’ve had no desire to do so. but, in all fairness, he’s never fully let me go. it’s been a game. a last grasp on a dream that i know will never come to fruition. i can date, i can flirt, i can pretend … but never has he been far from my thoughts. until now.

i can pretty much guarantee that not a thing will come of this crush. not only is he NOTHING i’m looking for in a man, i’m guessing i wouldn’t exactly be his type either. we have little interaction … once every couple of weeks in passing. and honestly the first handful of times i saw him i had no interest whatsoever. but last week something changed. and i’m not sure why. suddenly my every thought was about him. his goofy smile. his sparkling eyes. his awkward run. his character and strength. he’s one of the good guys. solid. real. i’ve never looked for a man to protect me. i’ve never defined prince charming as a savior. yet i imagine his arms around me and what most comes to mind is safety and comfort.

maybe this is the start. the breaking down of the wall i so adamantly deny i hide behind. maybe i’m coming to see that i can be a strong woman and still need a strong man. i can be silly and giddy and stupid when i’m around him. but that doesn’t mean i’m not still hard headed and opinionated. i can do without. but for the first time in a long time … i don’t want to.

i have a crush … the poor guy won’t know what hit him 😉

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, fear, life, random, relationships, running. Tags: , , , , , , , .

miles and miles emotional overload

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. sarah  |  June 25, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    🙂 love the last line!

    Reply
  • 2. Penelope James  |  August 11, 2010 at 9:33 am

    i love the way you write about this New Guy. it sounds like everything a crush should be – girlish, fun, giddy, the whole shbang 🙂 i also adore the last line of your post!

    p.s. Hi, I’m Penelope and your post was linked to one of mine so, sorry that you don’t know me but i very much enjoyed reading this. take care!

    Reply
    • 3. becelisa  |  August 11, 2010 at 11:41 am

      thanks! nothing ever came of that crush. i still see him now and then and still adore him in a silly little school girl way but turned out he had a girlfriend and they are so adorable together. rereading this post made me want another new crush. love those giddy feelings!

      don’t apologize for reading and commenting. i like new readers. i’m going to go read some of your posts now 🙂

      Reply
      • 4. Penelope James  |  August 12, 2010 at 8:41 am

        too bad! it’s very cool that you can be happy for him, though, not many people seem to have that capacity, sadly. hope you find a new crush because they are so fun 🙂 i like new readers too. hopefully, if you looked at anything of mine it wasn’t a total waste 😛 take care!

        Cheers,
        Penelope

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