three’s a crowd

August 16, 2009 at 9:08 pm Leave a comment

i guess it’s time to admit that jc and i are dating. we both still insist that it has to be a day-by-day thing but when you take a friendship and turn it into more, it’s hard not to find yourself ten steps ahead of the game. for him that’s so much easier. he’s spontaneous and easy going. a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy. i’m anything but. last week he admitted to likely mirroring many of my fears but knows it’s easier for him to brush them aside. though it doesn’t alleviate my questions and concerns, it’s nice to know that he respects my neurotic, obsessive, over analytic approach even if he can’t fully understand it.

but now there’s more. a seeming interest from what can only be a cruel joke. or a test. or temptation. he’s a god. a triathlete. tall, lean, muscular. intense in character and questionable in morality. he’s the kind of man i’m instantly drawn to. the kind that fully allows me to stay in my comfort zone of independence and emotional dissolution. though jc and i have no definition or commitment, i respect and adore him in so many ways that i can’t help but feel a sense of guilt for what i hope fear is yet to come.

i find myself asking a simple question; do i want a potential future or merely a guaranteed past?

if only the answer were that clear.

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, life, relationships. Tags: , , , , .

11 weeks ’til mcm finding the rhythm

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