run it out

January 27, 2010 at 1:47 pm 1 comment

this is when i need to be careful. to weigh the risks of taking to the pavement versus not. the last two days have not been easy. i knew the luck of not seeing jc would in time end and apparently that time is here. i thought i would handle it better. but the sound of his voice and the brief meeting of our eyes reminded me of the void i have here without his laugh and smile. as much as i miss the one i love. i just as simply miss my friend.

last night i took it out on the run. after finally finding the time for a long run, last night should have been recovery. short. slow. easy. short it was … slow and easy it was far from. i ran alone. amidst an easy hundred and fifty of my fellow irish runners but still i was alone. my music. my thoughts. my hurt. each step took me further from him. further from myself. and i pushed my limit. felt the burn and barely fought back the nausea that i oft strive for when emotional running. this morning i woke with a needed promise to my sore legs that i’d take tonight off.

but this feeling ~ anger. sadness. disappointment. regret. loneliness. ~ is only remedied by the run. how do i make the legs understand that the heart needs the release. i’m not asking for much. the time limited to a mere few miles. i can promise to take them slow. but is that a promise i can even keep once i feel the sidewalk beneath me?

face the emptiness of a broken heart or run from it? i guess i need to decide what hurts more; the body or the soul.

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, fear, relationships, running. Tags: , , , , , , .

sometimes life just gets in the way running is cheaper than therapy

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. bgirl875  |  January 29, 2010 at 12:59 am

    very beautifully stated.

    it’s always tough to see someone you are trying to forget. but i think you have a great strategy to getting through it. i’ll keep my fingers crossed that your body allows what your soul desires.

    Reply

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