shutting down

November 28, 2010 at 6:21 pm 2 comments

i’m having trouble finding the desire to write. i think i’m so overwhelmed with so many things right now that i’m simply shutting down again. going through the motions of life but not letting myself stop to really focus on or think about anything for fear of completely losing my grip. the basic day by day of life is fine so as long as i just keep the routine ~ get up, work, parent, run, sleep ~ then all is ok. but as soon as i sit down to try and solve the bigger picture i can feel the stress and frustration take over and i choose to walk away from it. i know i can’t keep going that way. eventually i’ll break. but for now i just don’t want to handle the nitty gritty of life.

physically i’m feeling ok. still have bad days and good days. still no perfect day. but i’ve learned how to adjust and work around the chronic pain. after chichamauga i promised myself a week off. complete rest with no running. no gym. i lasted all of four days before i was back at the gym. i didn’t run. but i needed weights. pilates. body pump. anything to keep me sane. this past monday was my first run back and i felt decent. three miles easy on the tread. then another three ~ not so easy ~ at the irish run on tuesday. four miles thanksgiving morning to pre-burn the anticipated caloric feast. five saturday morning with the group. and eight this morning with b3. a 23-mile week which i feel is a perfect balance of not too crazy and not too lazy.

i also managed to get in my now weekly monday pilates and two rounds of upper body work, bake all sorts of desserts for turkey day ~ four different kinds of mini cheesecakes, pecan pies and brownie bites, finish about half my christmas shopping, hang all the house lights ~ front and back by the pool, buy and put up the tree, wash the dog, wash the kid 😉 , research and decide on middle schools to try and choice sab into, re-plan all the details of our upcoming vacation to charleston after my mother had a melt down over everything we’d already spent forever deciding on, and cleaned most of the attic and garage! next week i think i may attempt to single-handedly achieve world peace because i obviously think i can do it all.

tonight i’m trying to unwind ~ HA! and strangely i’m looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. a four-day weekend allows me too much “free time” that i obsessively have to fill. sometimes i wish i knew how to be one of those people that can just relax. sit by the pool with a good book. chill. sleep in. be a couch potato for even one day and not feel guilty about it. but truth is that will never be me. i may be insane but at least i’m never bored.

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, fear, life, parenting, random, running. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

half-empty or half-full Painless

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kitkat1126  |  November 29, 2010 at 9:43 am

    Wow, talk about packing it all in! I know the struggle with being almost restless. Yesterday I spent the day on my couch and today I’m feeling guilty and depressed about it.

    Sometimes I feel like it’s OK to go through the motions and not let yourself focus. Because like you said, eventually you’ll break and at that point you’ll either be more ready to deal with whatever it is you’re trying not to focus on or more likely – you’ll have to.

    Reply
  • 2. Floyd of course  |  November 29, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    not to worry! from what I know the system will correct itself when it must. An impressive list ! Sanity is knowing to be proud of it because next time the luck may not run with you…..

    Reply

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the best of times

5k pr ~ 24:23
10k pr ~ 52:49
half marathon pr ~ 1:55:10
marathon pr ~ 4:10:41
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