christmas wish

December 8, 2010 at 1:59 pm 4 comments

most of the time i’m ok with being single. i admit i have those moments of loneliness but as busy and active as  i am i rarely have time to dwell. but this time of year is hard. it’s not just that i’m the one who has to battle to get the tree inside and straight on the stand. and it’s not that i’m the only woman i see in the neighborhood up on a ladder hanging christmas lights off the roof. sure it would be nice to have a guy to do all those “man-chores” but truth be told i’m more than capable enough of doing things myself and i take pride in being able to do so.

but there’s something about christmas that opens my heart in a way i manage to ignore the rest of the year. i  get nostalgic and sappy ~ two characteristics no one would ever really use to define me. i dream of christmas morning cuddled on the couch with someone special to wink at as sab gets all giddy opening presents from santa. i imagine a big christmas eve dinner ~ complete with my dysfunctional family ~ that i manage to not just survive but actually enjoy because i’ve got someone helping me laugh at the chaos. i picture a countdown where i’m not dreading that midnight moment of discomfort while those around me welcome the new year with a kiss.

given that it’s already december i’m guessing i won’t get my christmas wish again this year. and chances are come january i’ll bottle it back up and forget that another year alone will fly by before i know it. but right now i’m hoping santa has a little something extra on his sleigh for me this year. please santa … i promise i’ve been nice. well, maybe a little naughty but at my age, that’s half the fun 😉


Entry filed under: 30-something single, life, relationships. Tags: , , , .

Painless half a resolution

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kitkat1126  |  December 8, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    My thoughts are scarily close to yours… I was just thinking today how I’m happy being single – I don’t mind doing the “man-chores”, I like having my schedule free to do only what I want to do, etc. However, something about the Holiday season and the snow. I want a significant other to cheesily pick a Christmas tree out and decorate it together, and stay up late snuggled on the couch with hot chocolate and a fire…

    I hope Santa comes through for both of us! 🙂

    • 2. becelisa  |  December 8, 2010 at 9:00 pm

      i still believe in santa and christmas miracles 🙂

  • 3. Jenni  |  December 9, 2010 at 3:07 am

    I just had this conversation a few days ago with a couple other single parents, both were blue as well because it was the holidays and they would be single. I totally agree and feel lonely thinking of the split holiday time with my ex and then not having anyone there to share in the gift opening with my daughter and other Christmas fun – someone to help me put her bike together and leave cookies out for Santa. BUT I also remember the tense fake feeling in the air when I was married and we were only speaking to each other Christmas morning through clenched teeth when she was watching. I remember later memories of a new relationship and not being able to be together on Christmas morning because we both had obligations to our children and never quite being able to “sync” our schedules. I have just come to think it’s going to be impossible to have a relationship like that anytime soon. 😦 I too wish us all find that someone but until we do I will be happy and feel priviledged to get to see the happiness of Christmas through my daughters eyes. 

    • 4. becelisa  |  December 9, 2010 at 9:10 am

      sometimes i feel almost hypocritical in the fact that i think i would prefer to find a man who doesn’t have kids. then he could fit into “our world” a little easier than trying to merge split households. but even that likely isn’t easy. but i fully agree that until and if it happens … i know how blessed i am to have a happy, healthy, beautiful daughter to share my life and holidays with.


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