back stepping

March 4, 2011 at 6:04 pm 3 comments

i’m in a pretty low place today. you would think it would be otherwise given the fact that i had a great night but for some reason i feel like i’m about to just burst into tears ~ and i’m not even PMSing.

last night the ironman came over for dinner. a home cooked meal to thank him for leading me to a pr. we ate. we drank ~ almost two bottles of wine! no wonder i’m dragging today. we talked. he even gave me a lesson on changing my flat bike tire. i like him. he’s funny. maybe in an almost a little too goofy sort of way. but he makes me laugh A LOT and it’s a nice change of pace. but there are things that already have me writing him off and i think i’m regretting where we are and where i’m not sure we’re going. i readily admit i really don’t do well with dating and relationships. i analyze. i panic. i instantly flounder in what i perceive as potentially life altering chaos. i like my life. and when i try to imagine sharing it with anyone, i stress. i know, i know … i’m getting ten steps ahead again and i really need to just enjoy the moment and have fun but that doesn’t come easy for me.

this is when i wish i was whole physically. i want my focus back on the run. i want to add back in the bike and swim and work towards a tri. no, not just a tri, i want a half iron. suddenly really damn bad. this is when i want to avoid everything else and simply get lost in the escape. the goal. somehow a physical challenge seems far more achievable than a happy healthy relationship with anyone ~ me, myself and i included.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: 30-something single, biking, dating, exercise, fear, injury, life, relationships, running, swimming, triathlon. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

mean girls week of feb 27 ~ post pr easy

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. LJ  |  March 5, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    Running. Running to. Running from. Running away. Running with. I’m not one to offer advice on this; I’m always running two steps behind, two steps ahead, or two steps toward the port-o-potty. Funny…wherever you go, there you are. There is no “getting lost in the escape”. Run to find yourself. And keep chatting with us whilst on the road! ❤

    Reply
    • 2. becelisa  |  March 6, 2011 at 10:01 pm

      so even if i run faster i can’t actually get away?! damn! why do i do speed work then? maybe somewhere across the miles i’ll find me. but even if it takes awhile i can easily say that one of the best parts of the journey are those i’ve found along the way who run parts of it with me. xo

      Reply
  • 3. kitkat1126  |  March 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Maybe a happy healthy relationship (with someone else in addition to yourself) is exactly what you need right now. This time you can’t necessarily run away or change your focus solely on a physical challenge to escape from it. Easier said than done, but I say go with it…
    I really want you to be whole physically so you can train for something like a half iron – but I have no doubt you’ll get there. You did just run a half marathon and I see a lot more coming in your future.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts.

Join 150 other followers

the best of times

5k pr ~ 24:23
10k pr ~ 52:49
half marathon pr ~ 1:55:10
marathon pr ~ 4:10:41
half ironman pr ~ 5:57:50
50k pr ~ 5:33:23
50-mile pr ~ 11:32:39

Categories

Archives


%d bloggers like this: