back stepping

March 4, 2011 at 6:04 pm 3 comments

i’m in a pretty low place today. you would think it would be otherwise given the fact that i had a great night but for some reason i feel like i’m about to just burst into tears ~ and i’m not even PMSing.

last night the ironman came over for dinner. a home cooked meal to thank him for leading me to a pr. we ate. we drank ~ almost two bottles of wine! no wonder i’m dragging today. we talked. he even gave me a lesson on changing my flat bike tire. i like him. he’s funny. maybe in an almost a little too goofy sort of way. but he makes me laugh A LOT and it’s a nice change of pace. but there are things that already have me writing him off and i think i’m regretting where we are and where i’m not sure we’re going. i readily admit i really don’t do well with dating and relationships. i analyze. i panic. i instantly flounder in what i perceive as potentially life altering chaos. i like my life. and when i try to imagine sharing it with anyone, i stress. i know, i know … i’m getting ten steps ahead again and i really need to just enjoy the moment and have fun but that doesn’t come easy for me.

this is when i wish i was whole physically. i want my focus back on the run. i want to add back in the bike and swim and work towards a tri. no, not just a tri, i want a half iron. suddenly really damn bad. this is when i want to avoid everything else and simply get lost in the escape. the goal. somehow a physical challenge seems far more achievable than a happy healthy relationship with anyone ~ me, myself and i included.


Entry filed under: 30-something single, biking, dating, exercise, fear, injury, life, relationships, running, swimming, triathlon. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

mean girls week of feb 27 ~ post pr easy

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. LJ  |  March 5, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    Running. Running to. Running from. Running away. Running with. I’m not one to offer advice on this; I’m always running two steps behind, two steps ahead, or two steps toward the port-o-potty. Funny…wherever you go, there you are. There is no “getting lost in the escape”. Run to find yourself. And keep chatting with us whilst on the road! ❤

    • 2. becelisa  |  March 6, 2011 at 10:01 pm

      so even if i run faster i can’t actually get away?! damn! why do i do speed work then? maybe somewhere across the miles i’ll find me. but even if it takes awhile i can easily say that one of the best parts of the journey are those i’ve found along the way who run parts of it with me. xo

  • 3. kitkat1126  |  March 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Maybe a happy healthy relationship (with someone else in addition to yourself) is exactly what you need right now. This time you can’t necessarily run away or change your focus solely on a physical challenge to escape from it. Easier said than done, but I say go with it…
    I really want you to be whole physically so you can train for something like a half iron – but I have no doubt you’ll get there. You did just run a half marathon and I see a lot more coming in your future.


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the best of times

5k pr ~ 24:23
10k pr ~ 52:49
half marathon pr ~ 1:55:10
marathon pr ~ 4:10:41
half ironman pr ~ 5:57:50
50k pr ~ 5:33:23
50-mile pr ~ 11:32:39



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