credit worthy

April 26, 2011 at 5:36 am 4 comments

the hardest thing a control freak will ever do is to jump off the edge of a cliff without a safety net. no security. no control. no guarantee that everything will be ok. this past weekend i jumped! everything i owned got packed into the back of a uhaul. boxes stacked. furniture piled. the dog. the cat. the kid. a 12 mile journey to the other side of the world.

i can’t explain the vast difference between there and here. so close yet worlds away. suburbia versus downtown island. nomadic new. versus neighborhood old. i love it here. the location. the community. the character and charm of a classic little bungalow versus the subdivision cookie cut out i’ve been in the past seven years. the house is old. quirky. not enough closet space. i’m struggling to find outlets for the flat screen, dvd player, mac, cell charger, ipod, camera battery … i guess they never anticipated this kind of electric need back when they built. but the walls have stories. somehow i can hear them even though i’ve no idea the tale they tell.

i had it all planned. every little detail but the biggest part of the plan didn’t quite work the way i had anticipated. i was supposed to have there covered. rented. but i still don’t have tenants. my house … MY house … the one i own. the one i signed my name to for 30 years. the one that has the potential to ruin me on paper sits empty. i make a decent living. but i use the term decent loosely. it’s really not fabulous. it pays the bills. gives a single mom and her kid a nice life. but there’s no getting rich in my nonprofit world. i can manage rent AND mortgage for a month. two maybe if i rob peter to pay paul. but after that i have no choice but to let it go. i still don’t anticipate it getting there. even my realtor is sure we’ll have a tenant … soon. but the planner in me. the hope-for-the-best-but-expect-the-worst-just-in-case rationalist. should be freaking out.

but yesterday as i tossed boxes out into the car port i watched the cruise ship leaving port pass by almost through my front yard. and i’ve already come to find comfort in the sound of the two-seater prop planes flying in and out of the little airport right across the street. and the runners. and bikers. i lost count watching them go by my window. and knowing we’re now in the best school district in the area takes such pressure off my hopes and dreams for sab. suburbia was my own private hell. this … this is where we belong. and happiness is worth far more than a credit score.


Entry filed under: biking, family, fear, life, parenting, random, running. Tags: , , , .

i win expectations

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kalli  |  April 26, 2011 at 7:54 am

    you will get tenants for sure… will come. your new place sounds quaint and wonderful and full of new adventure. i am in an old house too and you are right finding outlets for all the things is tough. hang in there girl………good things come to good people

  • 2. kitkat1126  |  April 26, 2011 at 8:20 am

    I’m thinking positive thoughts for you to get renters in there asap. As stressful as that is, I am so incredibly glad to hear about your new area, your new life, and the new school district for Sab. You sound like you’re more than ready to take advantage of this fresh start. 🙂

  • 3. Barista  |  April 26, 2011 at 9:40 am

    What a great place to live! I know where you’re talking about (generally speaking, not standing outside on your front porch 🙂 ) and it’s lovely!! What a fun adventure.

    And I guess I must have missed something, but I thought you’d found tenants? Either way it WILL work out. I believe that.

    • 4. becelisa  |  April 26, 2011 at 9:52 am

      they flaked. and since they hadn’t signed a lease yet i couldn’t even keep their security deposit. but you’re right … it WILL all work out. i believe that too.


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