there’s no crying in baseball

May 17, 2011 at 1:04 pm 7 comments

this weekend my company is putting on an event for a group of our constituents. it’s nothing fancy. a reception and baseball game. but its bound to be a good time. i don’t usually attend our events. we have a team for that. and given that jc heads it up, i tend to avoid them even if the opportunity presents itself for me to go. but last week the invitation for friday went out to staff and a guest. i really want to go to this event. it sounds fabulous! and after a little conversation with my boss, i got the impression that it also wouldn’t be a bad idea for me to be there given that the guest list is 350 of our best. and since the invite was for me plus one, i opted to ask the house hunter to be my date.

the hunter doesn’t know about jc. well, he knows the basics of the dating and relationships i’ve had since my divorce but he doesn’t know that jc and i work together. i haven’t hidden it on purpose per se. it just never came up in the conversations. and after talking to a couple friends i’m leaning toward not telling him. not now. not this way. i don’t want him to feel uncomfortable. and i don’t want him to wonder if i’m taking him only for show. if the event was smaller i would tell him. if i thought there was any chance of the two of them getting into even a casual conversation, i’d think he should know. but 350 people allows us to fade in. not that i don’t doubt jc will judge from afar. but i can’t see him going out of his way to come say hello. he avoids confrontation ~ of any sort ~ and of all the things he’s not, professional isn’t one of them.

but earlier today i heard jc’s voice down the hall and i flashed forward to friday and i found myself worrying … strangely not about whether or not i should tell the hunter, but whether or not i should tell jc. do i owe him a pre-party warning? how would i feel if he shows up with a date? highly unlikely given his position and need to network. but given our history would i be the bigger person to give him a chance to come to terms? honestly i know i’m not going to. it really seems foolish to even consider doing so. but something about this whole night has me sad.

i like the hunter. i want to move forward and see what develops between us. but there are moments i find myself still missing jc. he had my heart and soul and i’m not sure how i’ll feel letting him see that someone is taking his place. it almost feels like the final push to close the door on everything we once were. but that’s where we are anyway. done. over. moving on. so should any part of me be even remotely worried about what he’s going to feel or should i be more concerned about how the hunter will feel should he ever find out that i didn’t tell him.

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, dating, fear, relationships. Tags: , , , , , , .

week of may 9 ~ coming back mid may miles ~ week of may 16

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Barista  |  May 17, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    This one is a total bitch. I’m interested in seeing what other people will suggest, because I am so unsure.

    Here’s the way I try to look at things most often – how would I feel if the guy I was dating put me in that position. Do I deserve to know? Hmmm…not really. Was I hurt by the fact that you’d dated a co-worker? Nah. Do I feel like an ass because I was the only one who didn’t know what happened? Possibly. And that is where the situation kinda gets me thinking. I wouldn’t be mad if I hadn’t been told…and on the flip side I’d probably be a little grateful that I didn’t have to spend the entire event trying to analyze the interactions. But would I wonder a little if people had been thinking things about me behind my back? Yeah, probably. But that’s just me and I’m a sensitive sort. In the end you know HH – how do you think it would make him feel? He might not care either way.

    I don’t know if I’m making any sense, but I do know that I didn’t offer any help here! I can see advantages to telling and not telling…

    Reply
    • 2. Barista  |  May 17, 2011 at 1:52 pm

      Ok, so it might help if I was gooder at reading! LOL Jeeez.

      I was reposponding to the question I had in my silly head while reading – and that was about telling HH, not JC…which is what you asked (I see now that I re-read). I’m sorry I made up my own questions to answer. WTF.

      sooo…telling JC? FUCK NO. Feeling odd about having someone around in front of him for the first time? Totally frickin valid! I totally get wanting to protect him and you can want that all day long – just don’t do it. He’ll get over it. So will you…one day. In the meantime, protect the one you are with.

      And i’m sorry I blogged in the comments TWICE.

      Reply
    • 3. becelisa  |  May 17, 2011 at 3:12 pm

      here’s the one thing i can say with certainty. though there are plenty of people in my office who THINK they know about me and jc, no one knows for sure. we were never open with our relationship. not in the office that is. so not only do i not expect any talk behind his back but i expect him to be very welcomed. though there is a part of me that feels like i should tell him, he is very analytical and i do think he could end up uncomfortable and i really don’t think at this stage of our relationship that it’s something that needs to be laid on the table. again, if it were a smaller event … yes. but given the fact we likely won’t speak to, nonetheless really even see much of jc, it seems counterproductive.

      as for telling jc … i won’t. i just know that i wouldn’t want to be blind sided and i worry that’s what i’m going to do to him. but ultimately i know his feelings aren’t my concern.

      Reply
  • 4. kitkat1126  |  May 17, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Being in that position, I would not mention it. Maybe that’s not the right answer, it’s just what I picture if I were in.

    At the same time, I can’t explain how much I can relate to “there are moments I find myself still missing jc. he had my heart and soul and I’m not sure how I’ll feel letting him see that someone is taking his place.”
    A piece of your heart and soul might always be with jc and the house hunter doesn’t need to replace him or that feeling. I’m not sure someone ever can. There are still times when I deeply miss the comfort, the friendship, even the soul connection I had with B but I can’t expect the townie to replace that or repair what B left me with. Instead you can accept it and move forward with someone who might just fill in those gaps in different ways. I guess my door was finally shut with B when he found out recently I had someone new. I’ll never really know how it affected him and that’s probably better that way. If I knew that in any way it bothered him – it would potentially pull me right back.

    I think at this point, your focus is the future, and it sounds like your future is more the house hunter than jc. Directing your focus to the house hunter, his feelings and your relationship will keep you moving forward. Whatever the outcome could be – talking with jc before the event will likely just pull you backwards.

    Reply
    • 5. becelisa  |  May 17, 2011 at 3:16 pm

      maybe that’s part of what scares me … i’ll have to see first hand what jc’s reaction is to seeing me with someone new. and a part of me hates to think that maybe it won’t affect him at all. if i tell him ahead of time, the nonchalant reaction i might get at the the event could then be explained by the fact he already knew.

      either way, you’re right. my focus should be the future and there’s no doubt that jc is nothing more than my past.

      Reply
      • 6. Barista  |  May 19, 2011 at 10:15 am

        Yes – this would be the scariest part. Totally agree.

  • 7. lostgirl  |  May 20, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    when it comes to matters of the heart someone is always going to be hurt or jealous. you just need to worry about the hearts that matter the most, someone has to come firs, someone always has to place first – yours first of course then in ranking order. if your ex acts hurt about seeing you with another man moving then tough cookies he can figure it out. as long as there won’t be any wine glasses thrown and its such a big event i think you just need to focus on your date.

    my only question would be is having your ex be a coworker a sensitive point for him? we all have baggage and if his wife of 10 years cheated on him with her coworker 9 years this might effect how you handle things. and change the sensitivity variables.

    Reply

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