it’s the little things

September 21, 2011 at 4:55 pm 3 comments

i’ve always been one that thinks the little things count for so much in a relationship. an extra kiss or a little note in the middle of the day. a touch of the hand or an unexpected compliment out of left field. and where little things can add to the value of the ordinary every day, the lack of them can also do damage.

i guess it’s pretty safe to say the hunter isn’t the romantic type. yes he’s sweet and wonderful but in an unflashy kind of way. i don’t expect to ever get random flowers delivered. i’m getting used to the lack of sweet tender terms of endearment. he’s rational. analytical. simple. and though ~ for the most part ~ i know how he feels about me, sometimes i wish he’d make a little more of an effort to show it. not in some grandiose large scale way, but with subtle little words or gestures that could mean so much more.

i can’t help but wonder if sometimes i’m too sensitive. for all my tough bitch ways, when i hit a certain point of opening up in a relationship i face a ghost of insecurity that leaves me questioning every little thing ~ or in this case the lack thereof. but there are things that bother me and i don’t want to invalidate my feelings regardless of their maybe irrational origin.

take the following for example. i need coffee. the hunter needs caffeine in a can. i don’t drink soda. he doesn’t have a coffee maker. but awhile back i broke an almost cardinal rule and started buying diet mountain dew so on mornings when he wakes up at my house, he has the pick-me-up he needs. i didn’t expect anything return but truth be told it would have made my day to wake up one sunday morning at his house to the sweet smell of coffee brewed in some $15 cheapo coffee maker from walmart. but after one too many weekend of me running to the nearby convenience store to get the sunday paper along with a pretty crappy cup of joe i finally brought over a box of starbucks via. problem solved. rationality tells me i should just get over. insecurity tells me he could have at the very least offered to go get the paper and a cup of coffee for me once in awhile.

and there’s more than just a lack of coffee service. it’s the night when he acknowledged that the pillow on my side of his bed really wasn’t that comfortable and he probably should have offered to get me one from the guest room long before. at which point he added in that i was welcome to go get one if i wanted. after i quipped back with some sarcastic comment he did eventually go get one for me. but situation reversed i would have replaced the pillow much sooner or even taken the old one and given him mine. or it’s the day we were getting ready to go out and i was frustrated with anything and everything i was trying on. the lack of running was taking its toll on my body insecurity regardless of the fact that the number on the scale is going down. all i needed was a “you look beautiful babe”. a few simple words. but i got nothing. and believe me when i say i am so far from a compliment fisher who gets pouty and needy about what i look like. but that day i needed it and didn’t get it. situation reversed, as it was the other night when he was feeling particularly out of shape, i made sure he knew how amazing i think his body is and how incredible he looks.

i know not everyone thinks the way i do. i don’t expect he’s ever going to mail me a card just so i can come home to something other than a bill in my mailbox ~ like i did. i know not everyone is as touchy feely as i am and feels a need to touch or kiss or grope when they walk by the person they are with. and honestly, i’ve never liked the smothering, whatever you want dear, kind of guy. i don’t swoon to cheesy lines and roses on valentine’s day are about as cliche as it comes. but that doesn’t mean i don’t want to be told i’m beautiful sometimes.and it doesn’t mean it won’t chip away at my armor if you bring me coffee in bed.

on a small scale level we addressed things a few days ago. though i left out the specifics of the coffee and pillow talk. in retrospect they seem petty. but i expressed a need to feel more secure emotionally. to get some indication that he misses me when we’re apart. or even thinks we’re more than a passing fancy. he admits to withdrawing and staying behind a certain wall. uncertain on dating as a single parent and how to ensure he doesn’t hurt his girls. he’s always jumped too fast in relationships and he’s scared of doing it again. we’re “heading in a good direction” he said. he just needs me to be patient and understanding that he’s unsure about being emotionally ready to take the next step yet. but what does that mean? am i to accept a lack of simple assurances and consideration until he’s sure of his feelings? and honestly should i? i don’t need a huge next step. but do i really want a guy who doesn’t realize that the little things mean far more sometimes than the big.

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, dating, exercise, fear, injury, life, relationships, running. Tags: , , , , , , , .

knotty girl lost and found

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. spicybluecookie  |  September 21, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    I quite honestly think little things matter a lot. No matter the tough front we try to put up, we all have a soft spot in there, a need to feel special and loved. I guess its really difficult being with someone who cant do those little things we crave and personally I wont be able to stay in that situation cos I’d be terribly bitter. Sweetheart, you’ve got a lot on your hands. You can move on and find someone else who’s sure of what he wants and appreciates you or you can stay and hope things get better(not a good option in my opinion). The choice is actually yours. Good luck dear.

    Reply
  • 2. kitkat1126  |  September 22, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    I know most women want men to read our minds (I do). We want them “to *want* to do the dishes” not do them because we ask. But I just don’t think men are wired that way. Half the time when I get upset at the Townie he said if I had a gun to his head he wouldn’t have figured out what I was upset about. So ultimately sometimes we have to let go of pride and say what we want to get what we want.

    If you mention some of the small things, I bet he’ll start catching on with future small things. Sometimes people are oblivious, it doesn’t mean he cares any less about you or you aren’t a good match. However, if you say something and he doesn’t change or there still is a disconnect, then that’s different.

    Reply
  • 3. Kalli and Bill  |  October 3, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    i just think women are more prone to think of others than men……

    Reply

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