something old. something new.

January 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm 3 comments

how do i write the first post of a new year? especially when my last post of the old was weeks ago. do i share the tales of family chaos and clutter that left the holidays resembling those of the griswolds more than the cleavers? do i tell of miles run with hope of improved recovery only to have to walk much of the last few of ten on new year’s eve day due to an unfamiliar pain behind the knee? do i reflect back on a year of change that sometimes leaves my footing seem so uncertain. i guess i will share a little of all. the last of the old. the first of the new.

out with the old
on my last day at work before the holiday break i felt an impelling need to let go of harbored heartbreak. standing in jc’s office door i could sense his curiosity and as i bid him a merry christmas i pushed all pride aside. “can i have a hug” i asked with trepidation. “of course”, he stammered, obviously shocked. it was simple. awkward. walls still between us that will never be gone. but it was done. i forgive. yet i’ll never forget.

resolve
the calf had been doing ok. not great but comfortable to eight, one solid 10 and the tough mudder 12. sometimes a little lingering discomfort but nothing that seemed of concern. but on the last day of the year, i headed into the woods. i felt it around mile seven but it wasn’t until the thinker tripped and i had to stop and restart that it really began to bother me. mile eight i had to walk. one thing about the trails, there is no letting someone run ahead to come back and get you in the car. thankfully, gentleman that he is, the thinker stayed by my side. two miles alternating a walk and barely a jog. i haven’t run since. it hurts. it’s wrong. and the doctor isn’t an option right now. financially i’m catching up from christmas. probably will be for awhile. and there is no budget for copays. but i’m over it all and it’s time to stop pretending and pushing. as of now i resolve to be balanced by summer. hip strengthening. core work. it’s all connected and it’s time to stop masking the deeper rooted skeletal issues that keep me from staying injury free.

family affairs
i knew it wouldn’t be easy. i’d spent two and half years avoiding the potential drama. a week at my mother’s can pose challenging enough but with my older brother living there i had to bite more than just my tongue to even dare. the pre-trip request to wait and do presents the day after sent me seeing red before we even arrived. and the plane trip up was interesting to say the least complete with a sweet yet unique in-flight proposal ~ he asked. he said yes. ~ and a less-than-comforting request for any passengers with medical experience to aid in an emergency. seems southwest knew to start my trip with a twist! and the rest of the week followed suit. a christmas morning “situation” that left me furious to the selfish games some divorced parents play with their children. plans not upheld. confirmation that things will always revolve around him and his. but i did it. me and mine survived. and now no one can say i’m the cold, unforgiving bitch. and if nothing else, i got my day in boston with an amazing friend and myrtle the turtle.

the bigger picture
in nearly nine months together the words “i love you” had yet to grace our lips. many times i’d come close but always tripped over the words. they don’t come easy for me. nor for the hunter. new year’s eve was our night. our christmas. our holidays rolled into one. he opened first. a lightning jersey custom printed with his name and the day of our first date. manly enough that no one but us need know the hidden romance. and the perfect selection to wear to his other gift, our evening plans of the hockey game and private pre-game reception.

my gift from him was obvious from the moment i walked in his house. he had joked for months. my bedroom tv too small to satisfy his every need. thankfully it’s the only place he’s not satisfied in my bedroom šŸ˜‰Ā  we both had to laugh at the fact he even bother to wrap the huge box on the floor. but before i ripped into the paper i had to open the card. the front was beautiful. a christmas poem of all things joyful. but it was what he wrote inside that made my every christmas wish come true.

merry christmas and happy new year sweetie. we seem to be a very good fit together so i hope this is the first of many holidays we spend together. love, the hunter. and yes, becelisa, i do love you i just have problems finding the right time to say it.

this was far from what i expected. it didn’t matter that his first i love you was in pen instead of words. i knew it took him opening his heart completely to say it even in ink. and later, after a wonderful night out, he opened it further. looked deep into my eyes. “i really do love you, becelisa. i really do.” and that was a far better gift than the 32″ flat screen.

in with the new
i’ve always dreaded that midnight moment. ask me for one memory of happy and i’d be tongue tied over tales of disappointment. i don’t need much. just real. our night had no grandiose glamour. an exciting (and thankfully winning) lightning game. followed by the best seat in the the house for all the area fireworks ~ the hot tub. i can’t explain how perfect it was. just us. a cool night. an amazing moon and stars. masked only by the colorful explosions of all shapes and sizes. he decided he needed to go check the time just in case it was close and he walked inside. not 30 seconds later he came running ~ and i use the term running loosely. cautious not to slip on the deck. maybe a little love drunk ;). he leapt back into the tub and as he reached to kiss me we heard yelling from the neighboring houses … “ten, nine, eight …” he hadn’t wanted to miss it. that moment. midnight. we let the neighbors count it down and then for the first time ever the new year started with a moment i will always remember.

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, dating, divorce and co-parenting, exercise, family, fear, half ironman, injury, life, parenting, racing, relationships, running, swimming, training. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , .

we like it dirty not off to a running start

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. sarahwrites2  |  January 9, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    i love reading about you and the hunter. those 1st moments are better then anything that can be bought at a store šŸ™‚

    Reply
    • 2. becelisa  |  January 10, 2012 at 11:11 am

      it really couldn’t have been more perfect. sorry i didn’t get a chance to see you while i was in MA. hope all is well! you need to start writing again so i can keep up to date. xo

      Reply
  • 3. sarahwrites2  |  January 10, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    its definitely a resolution of mine!

    Reply

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the best of times

5k pr ~ 24:23
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