running relationships

April 17, 2012 at 2:35 pm 2 comments

there is nothing more difficult to find than the perfect running partner. and it’s not just the challenge of finding someone whose schedule allows a similar time and place. but someone who keeps a similar pace. someone who talks when you want to listen. listens when you want to talk. or relishes the silence when needed. someone who knows when to push or when to back off. i had the best in b3. but since she moved away i’ve settled into happy running with the ironman, the euro and sometimes the thinker. all guys.

not long ago while out on an early morning long run with the thinker, we got in a discussion about men and women running together. seemed his wife was a little sketchy on his female friendships and for that reason he had neglected to tell her that he was running solo with me that morning. but a facebook comment and email accidentally left open resulted in him being in the doghouse. she doesn’t think there is anything going on between us per se but she just doesn’t understand the need for him to run with me. alone.

so while out for a ride the other night, i asked the euro how his girlfriend feels about him training with me. and no surprise it had been a sore spot between them on occasion. he has explained to her that we’re just running  ~ or riding in this case ~ and the fact that we are training for the same races makes training together just make sense. he can’t say she’s happy about it or understands but as long as he’s honest she’s accepted it.

over the past year the hunter has had very few and minor questions about my running relationships. i know he’s been a bit uncomfortable at times with the group meetings ~ aka dinners and drinks ~ and he doesn’t understand the extent that my running also permeates my social existence but it’s never been a forefront issue. that is until this weekend.

saturday i ran urban dare with the ironman. it’s a part trivia, part photo hunt, part mental event. sort of a one-day amazing race. it was a last minute thing. the ironman had bought a groupon a few weeks before but wasn’t sure he wanted to do it. in fact we almost didn’t. but day of decided it would be a unique, fun way to get in a run.

i didn’t think much of it when i responded to a text from the hunter telling him what adventure i was setting off on but post-race while recarbing with a blue moon it became extremely apparent that he wasn’t happy with me. at. all. he suggested i was “on a date”. he referred to my running as an unhealthy obsession. and he wouldn’t answer the phone and talk to me. though i was hurt by his lack of trust, i fully understood and respected why he was upset.

i don’t actively seek out male running partners. in fact quite the contrary, i think i look for more women. largely because of the hunter and the concern i have for the discomfort he may have. but fact is i’ve always gotten along better with men. i can’t stand catty. or girlie. or slow. i need someone who wants to push hard. someone not scared of mud and trails. someone tough. and given how hard it can be to find that perfect partner, i don’t limit based on sex.

last night at dinner we re-broached the subject under more rational circumstances. anything is better talked about over mexican and margaritas. he trusts me but he doesn’t understand and honestly i think it goes deeper than my coed running. ultimately i think he’s jealous not just of my choice of running partners, but of my passion for the run. it’s a huge part of my life that he’s not a part of. and it’s one that makes no sense to him. thankfully he didn’t ask me to give up the guys because i’m just not sure i could. not with augusta looming. but though i don’t think he’s the type to ever do so, i worry more that someday he’s going to ask me to give up the run and that’s a relationship no one will ever come between.

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, dating, relationships, running, training. Tags: , , , , .

weeks of april 2 and april 9 month end review

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kitkat1126  |  April 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    This reminded me of a conversation I once had with B while I was deciding whether or not to go to law school. B, who really was the most understanding, non-jealous guy I’ve known responded by saying something like, “going to law school will be an experience that may take up a huge part of your life – and it’s something I won’t be a part of and I may not understand”. I was completely taken aback by what to me felt like an insecurity about something I was so excited about.

    It’s interesting to think about. I think sometimes with someone you love, you want to be their go-to and feel connected to what they love and their passions. The hunter may never fully understand your passion for the run, but he will be understanding if he loves you. But part of helping him become understanding of it is letting him in on that passion too so he feels connected and understanding of it – rather than an outsider.

    I don’t know if I am making sense but I can see if from both sides. Running is like an intimate side of you, and it’s a side almost hidden from the Hunter and shared with other men. Maybe sharing more about your runs, how you feel after your run, etc will help the Hunter be part of your passion?

    Reply
  • 2. becelisa  |  April 19, 2012 at 7:58 am

    i think you’re right. and i’ve tried to share that part of my life with him. i’ve invited him to group get togethers but one has yet to fit in his schedule. i wanted him to come to tough mudder and see what i do but he was worried he would be bored. i’ve told him i need him in augusta to be there when i accomplish something so huge and though he finally agreed that he will go i felt like i had to twist his arm and i feel as though he’s scoffed at the challenge i am facing. it’s as though he sees everything about my run as a negative and maybe it is just because he doesn’t understand but he has to want to try and i’m not sure he does.

    Reply

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the best of times

5k pr ~ 24:23
10k pr ~ 52:49
half marathon pr ~ 1:55:10
marathon pr ~ 4:10:41
half ironman pr ~ 5:57:50
50k pr ~ 5:33:23
50-mile pr ~ 11:32:39

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