his and mine

June 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm 3 comments

i’ve been more than patient in allowing the hunter his gun-shy-insecurity about bringing our kids into our relationship. only a few years post divorce, and having already gone through one relationship breakup where the kids were introduced, he has been very cautious about his girls’ well being. and understandably so. for the first six months, i fully agreed it was too soon. for his and for mine! but when we crossed into eight months, ten, a year … i was not only ready, i felt it had to happen for our relationship to progress at all. but he still hesitated so i backed off and decided to let him call the shots. our girls did meet once. about a month and a half back. but it was no more than a 15 minute visit that was unexpected and unspectacular. don’t get me wrong, i was happy that it happened but it didn’t offer them ~ or us ~ any chance at getting to know each other.

a few weeks ago while running with the euro we got to talking about it. he too felt it was a necessary step and he made the comment that as a guy, it was one the hunter was likely not ever to suggest or push for. and though i agreed, i also knew that i had hit a break point and if i asked again, and he still wasn’t ready, then i felt safe to assume we had no future. and i wasn’t sure that was a potential reality i was ready to face. but as my mom always says “it was time to shit or get off the pot” so that night i gently suggested an upcoming weekend get together. his response … a schedule tweak with the ex for mother’s day meant his girls wouldn’t be with him. valid but no offer of another day or time left me questioning even more. so a week or so later i asked again with enough lead time and flexibility on days. his response … questionable weather might dampen my suggested excursions but we’d “play it by ear”. again, not a no. but not a yes. and i left it at that. a few days later i was surprised to get his text. his girls were excited about going to busch gardens that sunday! our plans. he had told them. and he was ready.

so two sundays ago sab and i headed to their house. after a brief tour and introduction to their zoo ~ the dog, the hamster, the bunny and the tortoise ~ the five of us headed off to spend the day at busch gardens. admittedly i was a little worried about his youngest. his older daughter (i’ll call her mag) is two weeks younger than sab and from what i’d heard about her, a similar personality so i assumed they would get along just fine. but the nine year old (i’ll call her blu) is the more hard headed. the strong willed. the handful. even in the brief meeting we’d had prior she had barely spoken. sized me up with her icy blue eyes but stayed glued to her dad with an air of possession. but even before we got to the park my concern faded. she was talkative. happy. funny. and though there was little interaction between the three of them in the backseat, there was no immediate apparent drama or personality clash either.

but not far into the day i realized that it wasn’t his i should have been worried about. maybe it was that they had each other where sab had no one. or maybe she was just feeling shy. because it was mine who came with the wall of attitude. she made no effort to talk and kept a distance as we walked or waited. i let it go at first. but after awhile it was too much and i started to get irritated. that last roller coaster ride i told her to get over it. make an effort. at least be polite if she couldn’t be nice. the car ride back to the hunter’s was a little quiet and i felt sure it would be awhile before we’d do it again. but the hunter asked if we wanted to stay and order pizza and while we were waiting for the delivery the girls all started playing on their ipod touches. separately at first. but it wasn’t long before they were comparing apps and instagrams. by the time we left, sab was texting mag, and did so until her ipod died at almost midnight, and they were all commenting back and forth on each others instagrams. the hunter found it silly. wondered why kids can’t communicate face to face without electronics. but i was simply happy they found a way to communicate at all and if the safety of an ipod was what they needed to hide behind then so be it. the rest will come in due time.

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Entry filed under: 30-something single, dating, family, parenting, relationships. Tags: , , , , , .

may goals recap and june milestones i tried

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. DPR  |  June 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    There is a challenge here, not only for the merging of two tribes but more importantly …. the knowledge of how our children are going to socialize and how to best parent. I have a similar situation with my 9 year old and the children (12 most relevant) of a significant personage. To best use facebook gaming, text, and stand and deliver type personal contact is a more complex web than my grandparents dealt with. That said I am still in favor of electricity. In closing congratulations on good luck!
    DPR

    Reply
  • 2. kitkat1126  |  June 8, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    ahhh this didn’t show up in my reader! I was getting impatient and decided to come to your site and saw a new post.

    Okay first, this is a very serious post, but when I got to this part I started laughing really hard.
    but as my mom always says “it was time to shit or get off the pot”

    And, this post was wonderful. I am so so glad that the kids were brought in (I can’t believe how long it’s been!) and I totally understand Sab’s shyness but I’m so happy in the end they connected. I can’t wait to hear updates. 🙂

    Reply
  • 3. Miss Mile High  |  June 10, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Whew! As I started reading I was so nervous that this wa going to go another way. I’m so glad the day went well and that the girls fell into their own comfort levels in their own time. Forcing it wouldn’t have ended well, so this is great.

    Reply

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