as always

February 5, 2013 at 2:34 pm 12 comments

friday night after a great happy hour with former friends and coworkers i haven’t seen in years, i got home feeling happy, energized and ready to crawl into bed to rest up for the first half of my planned back-to-back long runs. but before closing my eyes i opted for a quick facebook detour to tag the night’s photos. i almost didn’t read it. my mother leaves some rambling status updates that tend to detail her entire day from beginning to end in one long run on sentence. but this one caught my attention and as i read i tried to rationalize what i was reading.

breast lymphoma. head of oncology appointment. treatment options.

what the hell! was i really finding out on facebook that my mother has Cancer? i read and re-read and kept coming to the same conclusion of yes, i was. i knew the mammogram a couple weeks earlier had come back abnormal. as it always does. i knew they were going to biopsy the mass. as they always do. and i knew that it would come back benign. as it always has. but apparently this time wasn’t another always.

i tried to approach the conversation delicately. last thing i’m sure she needed was to be questioned and put on the defensive but i was upset. hurt. angry. “couldn’t you have told me?” i asked. and the response i got simply added insult to injury. “where have you been? i’ve texted you.” first off, um no she hadn’t. i got a text on saturday about the flu she was fighting. i got texts on sunday about my nephew placing in the train show. nowhere had i seen the C word. i even went back and double checked. and no. she hadn’t. but even so. even if she had. was texting news like this really any better than facebook?!

i tried to put the hurt aside and listen. it’s a low grade lymphoma. she’s meeting with a doctor at the regional Cancer center this friday. prognosis and treatment options are up in the air until full PET and CAT scans are done and we know more. is it localized? has it spread? until then we know little except that it’s there. and i’m scared.


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week of jan. 28 u turn

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kitkat1126  |  February 5, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    I’m really sorry to hear this. I hope you get answers soon – I’m thinking of you.

    • 2. becelisa  |  February 5, 2013 at 3:32 pm

      thank you. once we know the extent of things then we can look at options. as long as it’s localized prognosis is really good but it’s not knowing right now that is hard.

  • 3. spottedimages  |  February 5, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    So sorry to hear this.

    Unfortunately, I have a similar relationship with my mother. Makes like interesting to say the least. Good luck with everything!

    • 4. becelisa  |  February 5, 2013 at 3:35 pm

      thing is i actually have a decent relationship with my mom. we are crazy different and disagree on a lot but at the end of the day we’ve always talked and shared … her more so than closed-off, rational me. she is convinced she texted me about it but that wouldn’t have gone over very well with me either. but i suppose i need to suck it up. this isn’t about me so i need to stay focused on what’s important which is keeping on top of everything going on. hard given i live 1,000 miles away from her.

      • 5. spottedimages  |  February 5, 2013 at 3:38 pm

        I get that… my Mom is a GREAT person. Communication is just difficult with her because she hates to disappoint anyone… even with her own health (hip replacement and three hospitalizations in three months). Love your positive attitude 🙂

  • 6. Fit and Forty Somethingi  |  February 5, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    wow tough stuff girl. thankfully cancer is very treatable today. my mom battled two stage four cancers in her late seventies and survived. think positive!

    • 7. becelisa  |  February 6, 2013 at 10:43 am

      two stage fours? wow! that’s so amazing to hear. we are just hoping that things are localized. if so, then this should be a pretty easy fight but the not knowing right now is tough.

  • 8. Miss Mile High  |  February 5, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I kinda wish I would have found out about my Pastor Mama’s breast cancer via Facebook or text or anything other than hearing those words come out of her mouth as I sat across from her at the table after xmas last year. I I ly say that because then I could have had something to direct my anger at when I found out. Instead I just cried and cried like a baby. I have never in my life felt anything like I did when I heard those words, so I get it.

    I’m keeping you and your mom in my thoughts. Thinking positively is such a stupid thing to hear in a time like this (I know), but I also know that there is absolutely no other option.

    • 9. becelisa  |  February 6, 2013 at 10:45 am

      i don’t take that the wrong way at all and maybe you’re right. it gave me the opportunity to let it sink in before i actually spoke to her about it. thank you for keeping us in your thoughts!

  • 10. gr4c5  |  February 6, 2013 at 9:09 am

    Um. Stunned. Keep me posted. xoxo

    • 11. becelisa  |  February 6, 2013 at 10:46 am

      you know i will. and i may need to reach out to you for help if she needs rides anywhere. youknowwho can’t be trusted enough for some of what she may need help with. xoxo

      • 12. gr4c5  |  February 6, 2013 at 1:14 pm

        Absolutely. I’m here.

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