helpless

February 27, 2013 at 1:02 pm 5 comments

this past friday afternoon my mom got her test results. the expected confirmation of a stage one simple procedure became stage four follicular lymphoma. the Cancer is in her bone marrow. in her liver. in her spleen. i’ve been in a bit of a fog since. trying to come to grips with exactly what this means.

though “stage four” sounds particularly ominous there are things to try and remain positive about. there may not be a cure for follicular lymphoma but it’s slow growing. and relatively new treatment options have increased expected life expectancy after diagnosis. and chemo isn’t in her treatment plan ~ for now ~ so hopefully her quality of life won’t diminish too drastically.

but yesterday was treatment number one and she had a reaction to the drugs, couldn’t breathe and had to put on oxygen. twice. and when i say increased life expectancy the doctor is still putting a number on things. five to six years. and that’s simply not long enough. not long enough to see mini-me get married someday. not long enough for my nephew ~ her brand new little grandson ~ to really get to know his gamma. not long enough for my other brother’s kids ~ my niece and nephew that she is helping to raise ~ to become strong enough adults to not have her as their rock.

i can’t think about it right now. but i also know i can’t avoid reality. i feel so helpless.

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Entry filed under: fear, life. Tags: , , , .

bring on the bling let-s-talk

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. gr4c5  |  February 27, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    here for you. always

    Reply
  • 2. Fit and Forty Something  |  February 27, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    oh my goodness friend…..i am so very sorry to hear this. i am here for you and sending hugs and kisses your way.

    Reply
  • 3. Miss Mile High  |  February 27, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    Oh damn. I’m so sorry. All of you will be in my thoughts.

    Reply
  • 4. Louise  |  February 28, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Very sorry to hear this. Sending prayers and good vibes your way.

    Reply
  • 5. kitkat1126  |  March 1, 2013 at 8:20 am

    I’ve been trying to respond since you posted this and nothing sounds right…the only thing that does is that I am so sorry to read this and I’m thinking positive thoughts for you. ❤

    Reply

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