i give up

March 28, 2014 at 12:28 pm 2 comments

though my blog has become more and more strictly running there are moments of life, love and the pursuit of happiness that i still want and need to write about. it helps sometimes. to just hash it out with me, myself and i and maybe to find an outside opinion or two.

in the past few months i’ve been through the following; a friendship that could have and likely should have become something more only to realize that even in our 40s people can change so much you have to wonder if you ever really knew them in the first place. an amazingly fun four date streak with someone i had a crush on from afar who suddenly flaked and fell off the face of the earth then blamed the stress of life when i finally called him out on the disappearing act. an eagerly anticipated first date that got night before cancelled when the guy decided to reconcile with his ex-girlfriend. and a really lame dinner date that lacked any sort of chemistry or personality.

i. give. up.

i honestly just don’t get it. though i’ve dated here and played there, i’ve been single since the hunter a year and a half ago. and i haven’t lived with anyone since my divorce nearly 12 years ago. i know i’m a handful. i am a redhead after all. but i also think i’m a pretty damn good catch. yes, i’m picky. extremely. and i have a “type” which obviously isn’t working for me. but i’m not sure how to deviate from that type without settling for less than i want. people keep telling me to just keep myself out there. to keep trying. but damn it i’m exhausted!

dating takes a lot of work. the time, the focus, the learning the ins and out, ups and downs, like and dislikes of one another. as a single parent, professional and ultra running woman, it’s not easy to add even a night out with my girlfriends nonetheless a date or the first few months of a potential relationship. and really what business do i have getting into something serious when i have no intention of staying in florida once mini-me goes off to college. i know that’s four years from now. but i never want to find myself in the position where i have to choose him or me … because this time, i’ll choose me.

so i give. i’m throwing in the towel and focusing my time and energy elsewhere. maybe what they say is true … it’ll happen when you least expect it … but i certainly won’t hold my breath.


Entry filed under: 40-something single, dating, relationships. Tags: , , .

citrus trails and tribulations job hopper

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Louise  |  March 28, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    It really does happen sometimes when you are not looking. I think a little more than 10 years ago when my sister was 38 she gave up. She decided to go to Macedonia where a war was going on and people were being displaced. She was working in a refugee camp there when a guy from the CDC in atlanta came to do work. They fell in love, did some long-distance and now have been married 10 years! Maybe it will happen when you are not looking…

  • 2. kitkat1126  |  March 28, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    I can hear your frustration in this writing… I’m so sorry.

    Dating is like having a part time job, a sucky one at that. I’ve never understood people who like first dates or even the first few weeks of dating – to me it’s a ton of work and you’re not quite yourself during it. It’s so much easier to just spend what little time you do have with family, friends and hobbies.

    I really don’t think taking a break is a bad thing. Even if it’s just to get you to a place where you’re more energized to put that type of work into dating – and it’s OK if you’re not right now. I think stepping away from certain dating avenues is a great idea… I think the best way to meet new people (and maybe new types) – is to get out there with people. I think it’s a more natural (and less exhausting) way to meet someone by spending time with friends/coworkers/runners/etc. and meeting new people and acquaintances through them. It sounds like you already do a bit of that, but at the same time it sounds like your have a tight knit community – so maybe it would take meeting a few new people too.

    I just think you’re amazing and SUCH A CATCH – and someone would be lucky to have you and I want that for you so badly– but at the same time, I think it sounds like mentally you just need a little break from it. I have a cousin who I feel so similarly about who also lives in Florida and I swear, I tell her this all.the.time – come to New England and you’d have guys swarming you. I don’t know what it is down there, but up here (maybe it’s the damn cold weather) – catches like you end up coupled up pretty quickly!

    I won’t give you any advice but more so to say, I think you’re amazing and I will be reading and supporting you whether you’re dating or not!


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the best of times

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