the good. the bad. and the ugly.

May 27, 2014 at 10:42 am Leave a comment

so the “happy” posts didn’t last long huh? it’s not that there hasn’t been great experiences to my weeks. the manatee that swam between me and a friend at the beach last weekend and let me pet him was pretty frickin’ amazing. and this weekend’s 2 a.m. brick workout with the wingman was awesome even though the hoped meter shower viewing never materialized. and my solo kayak adventure and afternoon trail runs have been invigorating and empowering in ways i needed to find inside myself again. so i’m trying to stay focused on those moments. those highs that counteract the crap.

but things with the new “someone” hit a bump. a wall really. turns out he’s still recovering from a bad relationship. one in which he was incredibly close to her kids who he’s now lost. and one in which he was cheated on for months. he thought he was ready to move forward. but he’s far from it. seriously how do i find these men?! i’m a magnet for the emotionally unavailable! hopefully we can step back to being friends ~ our plan ~ because i really do like him and enjoy spending time with him and think the feeling is mutual. is there still a potential of building a friendship that could lead to more … yeah, i think so. but i can’t go in banking on that. problem is i know me and if i’m not careful i’ll push him away and shut down completely. something i truly don’t want to do.

to make matters more difficult, the hunter continues to throw fuel on the fire. again telling me he thinks he’s finally learned enough about himself to realize exactly who he wants and needs in his life. that he’s sorry for the way he handled things between us. i’m oddly emotionless about the entire exchange. if true, i think it sad, but i have trouble believing his emotional revelations are anything more than a desire to keep from being alone as his current relationship ends.

but really things are good. and i need to remember that. the new job is still incredible. and it’s amazing how simply cruising in the jeep with the top off can make me feel so alive! i love it. love love love. so i’m going to keep trying to share the positive in my weeks but somehow for me i can’t just sugar coat my posts. life is full of good, bad and ugly. and i am far better when writing about it all.

 

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Entry filed under: 40-something single, dating, life, relationships. Tags: , , , .

because i’m happy self destruction

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the best of times

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