Posts filed under ‘dating’

life, love and the pursuit of a buckle

i was absolutely dumbfounded to wake up sunday morning and realize it was the first of february. the past couple months have simply flown by in a whirlwind of elation. i’m in awe of life right now and i’m trying not to let the pessimist realist dumbass in me question and destroy where i am out of fear or lack of trust.

things with the trainer are amazing! from date one the comfort level and ease of who we are together has been like nothing i have ever known. the give and take. the communication. the mutual respect and adoration. the only worry i sometimes find myself with is that we’re moving too fast. he’s not just met but has spent time with mini-me including staying over while she’s home ~ something the hunter NEVER did in all our time together! in fact we’ve set up a routine of when he’s here versus there. he lives an hour away but with a second location of his business being here, he needs the set days to schedule appointments. he’s got a spot in the closet. stuff in the bathroom. food in my fridge. i always thought sharing my space and my individual world with someone would be hard for me given my set-in-my-ways independence. but every time he leaves to go “home” the house seems empty and far too quiet. of course that could be the fact that he comes with two big, high energy dogs as well 😉 lol.

outside the disgustingly cute crap that is my relationship, there’s more to be thankful for! as always, i won’t go into details about work but long story short, i never moved into the new role i was going to take. instead a needed staff change led to the director reorganizing our team structure and she is transitioning me into an assistant director role over digital marketing campaigns and content creation. totally. kick. ass! it comes with a lot of work. especially given the “downsize” in team. but we’re in the process of hiring reinforcements!

as for the run. this weekend is iron horse. the race that would have been my first attempt at the 100 mile distance. but with the entire month of december down due to injury from the florence marathon. and january’s long runs never exceeding more than 20 miles, i’ve decided to play it smart. well … sort of. seems a few people think i’m still certifiably insane to be attempting the 100k! 😉 i thought about cutting down to the 50 mile. really i did. but i’ve been there, done that. and if i can’t have the 100 this time, at the very least i want a new distance PR. and besides … the 50 only yields a medal. but a 100k finish will earn me a buckle! and i want!

one of the best things about this weekend is that the trainer is going with me. if you’ve been around long enough you’ll know that my ex boyfriend, the hunter, found every excuse to not be at my races, including my first half ironman. that one was the straw that broke the camel’s back and we broke up a few days after i got back home. maybe it’s because he’s new to my crazy, but i’ve given the trainer every opportunity to not go with me and he won’t hear it. throw in the fact that he’s been running with me and plans to both crew and pace when necessary and i swear this guy is a dream come true. i have forewarned him that i will likely yell at him, ignore him, hate him, need him, cry on him, and all together, scare the shit out of him at one point or another this weekend but he’s assured me he can handle it all.

so in conclusion of the summary of the month gone by, i think things are summed up with this simple statement … i am damn happy!

February 3, 2015 at 3:41 pm 4 comments

can’t we just be friends

in the last few weeks i’ve had two different male friends profess feelings and ask me out. i won’t label either as really close friends. buddies who run (literally) in the same circles might be more accurate a description but with enough shared to be more than mere aquantainces.

the first caught me way off guard! and i actually considered. even agreed to get together for a run and drinks one evening to talk though i insisted we shy away from calling it a date. i truly enjoy his company and when at the end of the not-a-date we decided to see what a kiss between us felt like, i was quite taken aback by how amazing it was. but after really thinking it through i know he’s not what i’m looking for. we’ve had a couple of awkward moments since then but i think the friendship will be ok.

the second situation wasn’t quite so drama free. a few of us were out of town. he was drunk. his great reveal became more of dictator’s speech than a conversation. i knew i wasn’t interested in him that way. so i tried to be nice. to let him down easy. but he wouldn’t stop. and he crossed the line when he invaded my personal space and wouldn’t back the fuck off. the i-blame-the-liquor apology email he sent the next day only fueled my red-headed-fire and my response ended any hope that the friendship would be salvaged.

the question as to whether or not men and women can just be friends is a hard one. i like to think so especially given i have a lot of male friends and always have but sometimes i’m just not so sure. i think harry (in the movie when harry met sally) may have said it best “men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” whether voiced or not, does someone always harbor a desire for more? i’m starting to feel that might be the case and i hate i’m pulling back from certain friendships for it.

November 12, 2014 at 12:12 pm Leave a comment

that’s all she wrote

100 training week three: lose the boy. find the run.

focus is back on what i know best; running away from everything towards nothing.

August 25, 2014 at 2:01 pm 3 comments

100 training: take two

week one of 100 training could not have gone any better. i hit every run as planned. not a mile less and, maybe more surprising, not a mile more. a plan is there for a reason i told myself. so stick to it. and i did … until week two. wtf seriously?! week TWO and not only did i skip a run but it was my long run! but what was supposed to be a short friday evening happy hour with the captain might have lasted a little longer than planned and included a few more martinis than intended. but he had been on a business trip half the week and my mom had been in town before that so it had been a week since i had seen him and somehow that just took precedence. i know i know. not like me to pick a man over the run but really the decision was an easy one.

over the weekend i made the comment to toop ~ a friend who is also training for the 100 ~ that IF it comes down to it, i will pick the potential of this not-yet-even-an-official-relationship over the race and she was appalled. to be honest i’m a bit surprised at myself but i was still taken aback by the intensity of her reaction. the ‘dillo can do it, she argued, and he’s married with kids. and tavi did it while starting a new relationship. i countered with the facts that the ‘dillo has a solid marriage with a wife who’s an amazing support network. and tavi has no kids so outside the run and work, she was able to give enough to build what’s become a strong relationship. but it’s just me, myself and i. between mini-me, my career, two dogs (we took in another foster a few months back that has yet to find a home), the upkeep of a house and the adjustment of mini-me starting high school, i was already worried about finding the time to put into this kind of race distance. i certainly never expected to meet someone i truly feel as though there’s a potential future with. it’s not a decision i’m making now or plan to make lightly. my intent is to run this race and to run it strong. and the captain is well aware of the time commitment it will take and has already said he can and will tolerate support me through it. but for the first time in a long time i want to run towards something not away from it.

that said, training is getting back on track this week. i may even be planning a few extra miles to make up for what last week lacked. and date night is scheduled for the night before a rest day! if there’s a way to have it all, no doubt i’ll find it.

August 19, 2014 at 4:03 am Leave a comment

oh captain, my captain

all he told me was to be at the marina on my island at 7 p.m. that he would be the guy in the little white boat waving. i’d met him the weekend before but under circumstances that hadn’t allowed for me to really take in all of him and as i stood on the dock watching the boat near, i caught my breath on the moment. his dark salt and peppered hair and goatee scruff. the sun-kissed skin and solid build. he had on dark shorts and a light gray short sleeved button up. sunglasses and bare feet and he sat at the helm with an air of confidence and comfort that clearly reflected the water as his domain.

he helped me into the boat where a cold titos and soda was waiting and a favorite song was playing. over the week he’d asked my preferences on little details that were all coming together for the first date perfect. but the plan for the perfect date, he said, is that there is no plan. we would just go and see where we ended up. the weather had threatened storms all day but somehow the skies had cleared and the water had calmed. we simply boated and talked. laughed and learned while we watched dolphin frolic in our wake. he’s everything i am. a contradiction in terms so to speak. outdoorsy and tough on one hand. educated and cultured on the other and there was a comfort and ease that made it seem as though we were far beyond a first date. when his arm draped around my shoulder it felt right.

an hour or so later he admitted to the 9 p.m. dinner reservation he had made. it was plan B, he said. or maybe plan A since the original plan was no plan at all. but as we headed that way with the thought to go early, we detoured back to the un-plan and docked at the pavilion for a drink. people watching. more laughter. it was so easy. exactly what a first date should be. we weren’t there long. we were both hungry. but before getting back on the boat i made a quick stop at the ladies room and he waited by the water. from behind my sunglasses i watched him as he watched me walk back down toward him. his eyes not missing a single step. and as soon as i was close enough he gently wrapped his arms around my waist and softly kissed my lips.

we made it to dinner right on time for our reservation. a place i’d never been but had more than wanted to try. and as expected it was amazing. shared crab cakes. grilled salmon over quinoa for me. a rare tuna steak for him. we talked running and his desire to start again. a recent planned marathon missed due to life’s chaos. we shared family tales and corporate stories. but as fabulous as the food and ambiance were, we couldn’t wait to get back out on the water. to escape the confines of a table and the surrounding crowds.

i’m always dumbfounded by the quiet of the river. the waste of the city and the lack of what could be an amazing waterfront nightlife. we didn’t so much as see a single other boat. but that night i wasn’t complaining. the river was all ours. we docked at rick’s. a casual fun waterfront bar and found a table. but not two minutes later we just looked at each other and almost simultaneously suggested leaving. our private water oasis was far better.

we spent another hour or so on the water before docking back at the island. he went to walk me to the jeep but i insisted i help him with the boat first. and though he wouldn’t let me help, i watched as he maneuvered her out of the water. there was something incredibly sexy in the way he handled her. a delicate strength. a man and his boat. and i couldn’t help but imagine if he would guide me with the same assurance.

we’re a few weeks and multiple dates in now and i’m in a daze. plans for so much more. and talk of when we get there. i’m trying not to let my jaded mind keep me from going into this with anything other than an open heart because i feel like a teenager falling in love for the very first time and i’m both excited and petrified by how perfect it feels.

 

 

 

 

August 16, 2014 at 6:11 am 4 comments

the good. the bad. and the ugly.

so the “happy” posts didn’t last long huh? it’s not that there hasn’t been great experiences to my weeks. the manatee that swam between me and a friend at the beach last weekend and let me pet him was pretty frickin’ amazing. and this weekend’s 2 a.m. brick workout with the wingman was awesome even though the hoped meter shower viewing never materialized. and my solo kayak adventure and afternoon trail runs have been invigorating and empowering in ways i needed to find inside myself again. so i’m trying to stay focused on those moments. those highs that counteract the crap.

but things with the new “someone” hit a bump. a wall really. turns out he’s still recovering from a bad relationship. one in which he was incredibly close to her kids who he’s now lost. and one in which he was cheated on for months. he thought he was ready to move forward. but he’s far from it. seriously how do i find these men?! i’m a magnet for the emotionally unavailable! hopefully we can step back to being friends ~ our plan ~ because i really do like him and enjoy spending time with him and think the feeling is mutual. is there still a potential of building a friendship that could lead to more … yeah, i think so. but i can’t go in banking on that. problem is i know me and if i’m not careful i’ll push him away and shut down completely. something i truly don’t want to do.

to make matters more difficult, the hunter continues to throw fuel on the fire. again telling me he thinks he’s finally learned enough about himself to realize exactly who he wants and needs in his life. that he’s sorry for the way he handled things between us. i’m oddly emotionless about the entire exchange. if true, i think it sad, but i have trouble believing his emotional revelations are anything more than a desire to keep from being alone as his current relationship ends.

but really things are good. and i need to remember that. the new job is still incredible. and it’s amazing how simply cruising in the jeep with the top off can make me feel so alive! i love it. love love love. so i’m going to keep trying to share the positive in my weeks but somehow for me i can’t just sugar coat my posts. life is full of good, bad and ugly. and i am far better when writing about it all.

 

May 27, 2014 at 10:42 am Leave a comment

i give up

though my blog has become more and more strictly running there are moments of life, love and the pursuit of happiness that i still want and need to write about. it helps sometimes. to just hash it out with me, myself and i and maybe to find an outside opinion or two.

in the past few months i’ve been through the following; a friendship that could have and likely should have become something more only to realize that even in our 40s people can change so much you have to wonder if you ever really knew them in the first place. an amazingly fun four date streak with someone i had a crush on from afar who suddenly flaked and fell off the face of the earth then blamed the stress of life when i finally called him out on the disappearing act. an eagerly anticipated first date that got night before cancelled when the guy decided to reconcile with his ex-girlfriend. and a really lame dinner date that lacked any sort of chemistry or personality.

i. give. up.

i honestly just don’t get it. though i’ve dated here and played there, i’ve been single since the hunter a year and a half ago. and i haven’t lived with anyone since my divorce nearly 12 years ago. i know i’m a handful. i am a redhead after all. but i also think i’m a pretty damn good catch. yes, i’m picky. extremely. and i have a “type” which obviously isn’t working for me. but i’m not sure how to deviate from that type without settling for less than i want. people keep telling me to just keep myself out there. to keep trying. but damn it i’m exhausted!

dating takes a lot of work. the time, the focus, the learning the ins and out, ups and downs, like and dislikes of one another. as a single parent, professional and ultra running woman, it’s not easy to add even a night out with my girlfriends nonetheless a date or the first few months of a potential relationship. and really what business do i have getting into something serious when i have no intention of staying in florida once mini-me goes off to college. i know that’s four years from now. but i never want to find myself in the position where i have to choose him or me … because this time, i’ll choose me.

so i give. i’m throwing in the towel and focusing my time and energy elsewhere. maybe what they say is true … it’ll happen when you least expect it … but i certainly won’t hold my breath.

March 28, 2014 at 12:28 pm 2 comments

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the best of times

5k pr ~ 24:23
10k pr ~ 52:49
half marathon pr ~ 1:55:10
marathon pr ~ 4:10:41
half ironman pr ~ 5:57:50
50k pr ~ 5:33:23
50-mile pr ~ 11:32:39

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