week of june 28
total mileage  18 miles

sunday 10 miles ~ bayshore … not counting this in my weekly mileage as it technically was the long run from the week prior.
average 9:42

monday 5 miles ~ hill training
time 9:02  9:08  9:05  9:12  9:41

tuesday 3 miles ~ four green fields run
average 8:50

wednesday off

thursday 4 miles ~ home treadmill
average 9:30

friday/saturday kiwanis midnight 10k
average 8:56 ~ race time 55:26

shoes
asics gt-2140 new pair total mileage  150ish ~ lost track since i haven’t been writing.

since i obviously have been unable to catch up with my life and my writing i’m simply going to start by saying i have been re-establishing a strong base of running. my weekly mileage has averaged somewhere in the mid to upper 20s. but this past week ~ which marked the official start of my MCM training plan ~ i definitely blew it on the mileage goal. but not without reason of sort. i started the week with a long run that technically was for the week prior so i don’t feel right counting that in this week’s mileage. and then this week’s long run was replaced with the kiwanis midnight 10k ~ one of my favorite races. there’s something about running at midnight down candle lined streets that i find so releasing and inspirational. i will say though that it was a rough race this year. 86 degrees with a feels like temp of 98 and 95 percent humidity. even running at midnight we can’t catch a break here in florida. surprisingly i managed to pull 5th in my age group which won me hardware but i wasn’t happy with my time.

so i am now officially in training and truly going to put forth a better effort to maintain my weekly updates again. it was so helpful for disney to use this blog as a way to stay accountable to myself. so here begins another journey of challenge and determination. the goal for MCM is sub 4 hour and the plan is intense. 16 weeks until race day. let the countdown begin.

last night i came so close to losing it for the first time in a long, long time. i’m one of those people that rarely has all out breaks downs. sure i have my moments where i may be upset or hurt by something or someone but with a little rationalization i tend to snap out of it pretty quick and regain my control. i’ve actually even been known to talk myself out of total meltdown just because the timing was all wrong. i simply can’t cry the night before a big meeting and risk having puffy eyes. and i can’t get angry and lose my temper if sab is home. and there definitely is no time to be an emotional wreck if there’s mileage to get in. so yes, i typically schedule the rare breakdown i need into a light week. and it’s always in pencil … never pen.

funny thing is, there wasn’t anything that “happened” to me yesterday. in fact i was in a pretty damn good mood after running most of the night’s night run side by side with my crush and spending a little time talking to him after. and the simple hug he gave me when he went to leave was enough to let my mind wander into the possibility of maybe. it was those thoughts and the excitement i had over them that were on my mind when my phone rang.

i tend to be the rock amongst my friends. i’d say the fact the i schedule my breakdowns is pretty indicative of my being the emotionally rational one in times of trouble. i don’t mind that everyone turns to me. i think i’m pretty good at being caring and supportive yet firm and realistic. maybe i got a little of that from my father being a shrink. but last night i found myself lending an ear and a shoulder to not one but two very distraught friends. two very different yet painful situations. i listened. i consoled. i advised. and when all was said and done i’d spent a combined few hours trying to help in whatever little way i could. when i hung up with the second call something hit me hard. i’m not sure what it was really. neither situation necessarily mirrored any of my own past experiences that could have been lurking beneath my shell waiting to strike when i was emotionally vulnerable. but none the less i plummeted from the pinnacle of happiness to precariously standing on the edge of despair. i tried to write then but couldn’t piece together words and the offer from another friend to turn the tables and let me talk was quickly rejected. there were no words left inside me.

today i’m still not quite myself. but i’m not sure it’s necessarily a bad thing. i think i fully realized last night that i tend to put everyone’s emotional needs before my own and i’ve been neglecting myself. pushing away not just the struggles and fears that life brings but the joy and happiness it has to offer as well. today i’m taking baby steps. opening myself up to the possibility of hurt and rejection. but also opening myself up to the possibility of love and beauty. trying to accept the fact that i don’t have to go it alone and that there are people in my life who will always be there for me to listen without judgement and help me pick up the broken pieces of the puzzle we call life.

i have a crush. as random and schoolgirl a statement that may seem, it’s a huge milestone to me and i want to scream it from the nearest roof top to who ever will listen. it’s been a really rough road for me since boston. he’s a heartache i never quite recovered from and i’ll readily admit it’s because i’ve had no desire to do so. but, in all fairness, he’s never fully let me go. it’s been a game. a last grasp on a dream that i know will never come to fruition. i can date, i can flirt, i can pretend … but never has he been far from my thoughts. until now.

i can pretty much guarantee that not a thing will come of this crush. not only is he NOTHING i’m looking for in a man, i’m guessing i wouldn’t exactly be his type either. we have little interaction … once every couple of weeks in passing. and honestly the first handful of times i saw him i had no interest whatsoever. but last week something changed. and i’m not sure why. suddenly my every thought was about him. his goofy smile. his sparkling eyes. his awkward run. his character and strength. he’s one of the good guys. solid. real. i’ve never looked for a man to protect me. i’ve never defined prince charming as a savior. yet i imagine his arms around me and what most comes to mind is safety and comfort.

maybe this is the start. the breaking down of the wall i so adamantly deny i hide behind. maybe i’m coming to see that i can be a strong woman and still need a strong man. i can be silly and giddy and stupid when i’m around him. but that doesn’t mean i’m not still hard headed and opinionated. i can do without. but for the first time in a long time … i don’t want to.

i have a crush … the poor guy won’t know what hit him ;)

posting a recap of the mileage that i neglected to post … yet again. still trying to find my words and begin writing again. about more than just the run. note i’m no longer going to post total time for each run but am switching to average pace. also, i got my training plan for MCM from eko. training officially starts june 28. better get my ass in gear … quick!

week of may 24
total mileage  24 miles

sunday 6 miles ~ old fort king trails
average 9:45

monday off

tuesday 3 miles ~ four green fields run
average 8:56

wednesday 4 miles ~ neighborhood
average 8:57

thursday 3 miles ~ home treadmill
average 8:50

friday off

saturday 8 miles ~ lake st. charles loop
average 9:51

shoes
asics gt-2140 new pair total mileage  86

___________________________________________

week of may 31
total mileage  25 miles

sunday off

monday 5 miles ~ hills with group
splits 8:51  9:13  9:34  9:27  9:03

tuesday 4 miles ~ four green fields run
average 9:01

wednesday 5 miles ~ home treadmill
average 9:30

thursday off

friday off

saturday 11 miles ~ FH with group
average 9:45

shoes
asics gt-2140 new pair total mileage  111

week of may 17
total mileage 22 miles

sunday 5 miles ~ gornto loop
time 44:12

monday 5 miles ~ gornto loop
time 45:06

tuesday off

wednesday 6 miles ~  lake st. charles loop
time 56:17

thursday off
time

friday 6 miles ~ lake st. charles loop
time untimed

saturday off

shoes
asics gt-2140 new pair total mileage  62

well i’m late with writing again. i’m trying really. i just can’t seem to find the time or the motivation yet. but i’ll get there. (note, i’m posting this without my times. my garmin is at home and i’m not so i’ll add them later.)

last week was better in my running world then it’s been in awhile. i’m slowly adjusting to the orthotics and my ankle finally feels stable. i will say that i’ve started to have other aches and pains throughout my leg but i assume that will be the norm for awhile as my stride changes from the orthotics and my body adjusts. mentally i’m slowly starting to feel as though i’m getting back in the game. even with my ex out of town all week, i managed to get in 22 miles for the week which shows that i didn’t use sab being home all week as an excuse. i still found ways to get in the miles regardless. that’s a step i haven’t taken in quite awhile! and eko is working on my training plan for MCM and somehow the reassurance i get from him that i AM a runner and i CAN continue to do this is helping me get my mind back around things. this time around we’re also discussing nutrition and supplements and looking into how i can better my eating habits to maximize my performance. i’m a pretty healthy eater in general but i have my vices ~ wine being the primary. i love a good glass of wine! but sweets are minimal, i rarely drink soda and i really don’t even particularly like fried foods ~ with the exception of french fries and the occasional indulgence of boneless chicken wings. so menu changes will be minor but we’re going to start including e-caps and endurox in my running regime. i’ve pretty much given up the idea of using MCM as a BQ attempt but i do want to go sub 4-hours which is stilla PR by a huge margin so i’m looking at everything i can do to help. by the way, i did survive the week with no meat however, should i ever attempt something so silly again, please slide a juicy cheeseburger under my nose and remind me that man is, by nature, a carnivore.

training starts in six weeks and i have to be back to 100 percent by then. it’s been a slow climb getting out of this mental and physical funk but i am climbing … finally.

week of may 10
total mileage 11.5 miles

sunday off

monday 4.5 miles ~ hills ~ 1/2 mile warm up, 4 repeats
repeat times 8:41  8:35  8:56  10:00

tuesday off

wednesday weights

thursday 4 miles ~ st. pete beach
time 36:34

friday 3 miles ~ lake st. charles loop
time 25:42

saturday off

shoes
asics gt-2140 new pair total mileage 40 ?? (lost track but this is close)

while this week is certainly nothing to brag about, i do feel as though i am finally pulling my head out of my ass. i still have yet to fully comprehend why this injury has been so mentally debilitating but i think ~ i hope ~ that i am regaining control. what’s been hard is that i can’t even say i’ve been upset. or depressed. or angry. it’s been simple emptiness. a lack of emotion about which i’ve been  so nonchalant that it concerns me.

physically i’m getting used to running with the orthodics. i can’t say they are comfortable yet but at least i’m not hobbling around in agony anymore. tomorrow i’m hoping to connect with a guy who does custom orthotics for a few in the group to see if he can’t put me in something a bit more tailored to my “unusual feet”. then from here, i need to work on increasing my milage back up and even more important, finding my love for the run again. i think it’s time for trails.

on a different note, i am trying something new this week. there are times i contemplate going vegetarian but i’m not sure i could ever completely cut meat out of my diet. i very, very rarely eat red meat, but chicken is a constant. and the idea of never eating shrimp or lobster again is unfathomable. but i tow the line. so this week i am going to test the waters for no particular reason than to say i can. and because i’m curious as to how it will make me feel. will i see an increase in energy? a decrease in weight? a healthier feel over all? or something completely different! i won’t bore anyone with what i eat every day and i certainly won’t post pictures of my every meal (why do people do that in their blogs?!) but at the end of the week i’ll let you know if i succeeded or not.

i am also completely determined to get back to my weekly updates. i think they are a neccesity for me especially come training. so hopefully this will be the start again. training for MCM starts in a little more than a month and a half and i need to be back in control with a solid milage base well before hand. it’s time to get over the pity party and just do it.

after trying to run on sunday and still encountering pain in the bottom of my foot, i finally broke down and made an appointment to see the doctor. my frustration was ever increasing and i knew i needed an answer. yesterday i got one. the good news … there is no fracture or really any major damage of any sort. i do however, as the doctor said, have very unusual feet.  yes, he used that exact phrase. unusual. as i am quite aware of, i have incredibly high medial arches ~ the arches along the inside of the foot we all think of when we think of the foot arch. however, i have virtually no metatarsal arches ~ the arch that runs across the ball of the foot that helps keep weight strike off the metatarsals. so essentially every step i take ~ walking or running ~ slams directly onto my metatarsals. the switch from asics 2130s to the new model 2140s likely shifted my stride just a hair that caused me to run with every strike landing only on the first metatarsal of my right foot. imagine one little part of a bone on my foot that is supposed to be protected by an arch being slammed into pavement and taking the entire brunt of my weight over and over and over again. no wonder i hurt. then, what i did, was overcompensate to avoid that spot and started straining my ankle.

problem diagnosed. solution underway. i must learn to run with orthodics in my shoes. no biggie. many runners do so. as he showed me the ones we’re trying, the doctor issued a warning … “you will hate it at first and it will feel like you have rocks in your shoes.” with instructions to transition into them slowly ~ an hour here, an hour there ~ i went home and eagerly put on my running shoes with the expectation of getting on the treadmill for a little test run.

ha! i was lucky to be able to walk (hobble) around the house. forget a rock … it feels like i shoved tennis balls into my shoes. if this is what it feels like to have a metatarsal arch then i don’t think i want one! add in the unusual combination of my high medial arch which, with the unnecessary extra lift of the orthodic, is now pushing the top of my foot so tightly against my shoes that my toes are numb from lack of circulation! and i’m supposed to run like this?! i know i’ll get used to it. patience is a virtue and the orthodic will start to work with my feet rather than against them. but damn, this hurts.

i brought my shoes to work today. as i hobble around the office in business clothes and running shoes i seem to be getting a few odd stares. thankfully every here knows me all too well. they watched me barely able to walk after my first half marathon and laughed at my attempts to go up the stairs after the disney full. they’ve seen the blisters and heard race horror stories. and to think … i used to wonder why none of them have yet to take up running yet.

i know my writing doesn’t reflect it, but i’ve been running. pretty regularly at that. the past few weeks were finally bringing back a feeling of control and dedication. i stopped insisting on trying to make a definitive decision on trying to BQ and simply started to run. no training schedule to adhere to yet, no times to beat and no pressure. maybe it was simply the love of the run that kept me from admitting there was an issue. but i don’t think i can deny it anymore.

i can’t pinpoint the pain. yesterday i’d have sworn it was in the arch of my foot. today, the ankle. this morning i thought it was swollen and a little blue. this afternoon i think i was imagining it. five minutes ago i sat on hold with my insurance company to find out if i need a referral for the specialist. right now i’m convinced i simply need to adhere to a regimen of rest and ice. i can’t make a decision in either direction and my frustration is ever increasing.

i’m not good at this. i don’t like to give into pain. i don’t like to admit something is wrong. and i don’t like to be unable to run. the endorphin withdrawl crash hits hard. it’s not a good day. let the downward spiral begin.

week of march 23
total mileage 26

sunday 4 miles ~ home tread
time 36:12

monday 6 miles ~ hill training ~ 1/2 mile warmup, 5 mile repeats, 1/2 mile cool down
repeat times 8:39  8:28  8:33  8:28  8:38

tuesday 3.1 miles ~ four green fields run
time untimed

wednesday off

thursday off

friday off

saturday chasco half marathon
time 2:04:07

shoes
asics gt-2130 old pair
total mileage TOO MANY
asics gt-2140 new pair total mileage 13.1

______________________________________

week of march 30
total mileage 14

sunday 5 miles ~ bbsp trail run
time 49:55

monday off

tuesday off

wednesday 5 miles ~ gornto loop with newB and buns
time 43:35

thursday off

friday off

saturday 4 miles ~ flatwoods with sab on bike
time 35:47

shoes
asics gt-2130 old pair
total mileage TOO MANY (but still using them for trail runs)
asics gt-2140 new pair total mileage 22

well i can’t say i got off to a very good start with doing my sunday updates again. so here’s a breakdown on the last two weeks. i still haven’t quite found a rhythm again in my routine (running or writing) and i really need to establish both soon if i have any chance in using mcm to boston qualify.

the pasco chasco fiasco half marathon (as newB and i deemed it) was exactly that ~ a total fiasco. the morning of i found myself slightly regretting having registered. it was already hot and humid by the time we got there and i think i gave up on the pr before i even started. we headed off to the start and i hoped i’d find the motivation and energy i seemed to be lacking. it was a small race with the same course for the 5k, 10k and the half and though it wasn’t ever crowded it was nice when we passed the 10k turnaround and had an open field. i held strong for about the first 6 miles pacing about an 8:40 average but just after the turnaround i completely lost all steam. the temps snuck up into the mid-80s which is over my heat tolerance point and then it certainly didn’t help that for about a 4 mile stretch there was no water left on the course. i finished with a 2:04:07 and was surprised to find that was good enough to take first in my age division. but all-in-all i wasn’t happy with my run or the race itself. but it was great to see and spend some time with denise and her friend lori. and what made it even better is that all of us placed in our respective age groups. it’s still funny to me how a blog and a love of running connected total strangers. i hope to see and run with them again soon.

chasco-fiasco21

this past week was pretty weak all around. a mere 14 miles is likely my slimmest week in quite some time. i seem to have completely allowed myself the right to not run when sab is home and that isn’t going to cut it. as much as i hate it, the dreaded tread has to become my friend again. i did take sab out this weekend to flatwoods and let her bike while i ran. she made it four miles. not even close to enough for me to consider it a decent weekend long run but it’s a start and i’m hoping i can work her up to longer rides. though with the heat of florida summer soon to be unbearable, i’m not sure she’ll be willing or able.

so that’s the basics of my running world. the rest of my world has felt just as topsy-turvy. i’ve been over thinking again. analying my life, my choices, my future. this is dangerous territory for me as it usually lead to some massive upheaval. which can be good … but can also lead to rash decisions. i’ve got to get my world back in control.

after disney my writing sort of dissipated. as did my regular training. both were to be expected as i simply scaled back my running to simply be for me. and since i wasn’t writing regimented weekly updates, i went back to using words simply to heal or question. but now that i’ve committed to the marine corp marathon in october, and to (god help me) attempting to qualify for boston, i need to get back into a rhythm of both. my actual training schedule for mcm won’t officially start until july but the months between now and then are going to be just as imperative to my training as the ultimate 16-weeks. so i am going to try and get back to writing a weekly running update. i’ve proven that the distance is not going to be an issue but time is going to be of the essence and i need to start monitoring things closely.

but before i start anew with my running highs and lows, i’ve got a couple stories to tell of recent races not yet written of.

the gasparilla distance classic has always been “my race”. for years my job put me in a working role with the race director. she always encouraged me to run. i always told her it would never happen. ha. look at me now. though i ran a couple 5ks prior, what i deemed to be my first “real race” was the gdc 15k two years ago. and then the half last year, my first half, became a milestone in my running that put me at a crossroads of whether to continue running or simply quit. and, tempted as i was to quit, i perservered. this year, the only reason why i ran disney and didn’t hold out for the gdc to be my first full marathon was because of the time frame. the races were pushed back a few weeks due to the super bowl being in tampa and i wasn’t willing to risk the florida weather. up until a few weeks prior i was almost convinced to tackle another full, but i opted to stick with my plan and register for the half. that, it turned out, was a good decision.

saturday was beautiful. cool temps. sunny skies. ideal florida late winter weather. i spent the morning downtown supporting those in my group who were running either the 5k or 15k and posing as the group photographer for the day. ryan hall was running the 15k which added a level of excitement to the race and the energy of the packed course, and a shopping excursion at the expo had me fired up and eager to run the next day. but by mid-morning all ears were on the weather report for sunday. bad storms were moving in and a stalling front kept bringing them in earlier and earlier with each passing hour. rumors were circulating about the potential of the sunday races ~ the half and full marathon ~ being called on account of severe lightning. when my alarm went off early the next morning i had to flip on the news and check the gdc web site to be certain the races were still a go.

reports at the starting line were that the weather should hold off. there was one band of storms anticipated that would hit that weren’t expected to last more than 15 minutes. why are weather men always wrong? the humidity was brutal but the rain was holding off and i found a good pace early on. i felt comfortable i could pr if the weather would cooperate and for the first seven miles all seemed good. but as we turned onto bayshore, a long stretch of road that runs along tampa bay, the intensity of the wind that smacked me in the face was like none i’d ever experienced in my short few years of running. instantly my pace dropped by 45 seconds. every step felt like i was pushing against a wall. with very few people around me, i couldn’t even find someone to draft. it was three miles of sustained wind with gusts up to (i think i heard) 30 mph.

when we turned to come back up bayshore my pace dropped back to where i wanted to be and i tried my best to make up the time lost. but when the rain started coming down hard at mile 12 i succumbed to the unlikeliness of a pr. i finished with a 1:57:58. a missed pr by merely 59 seconds. given the weather i can’t complain but i always kick myself in the butt when that close. could i have pushed a few extra seconds in the beginning? fought the wind a little harder? kicked it in at the end a little sooner? but another half sub-two-hours. all in all, i’m good with that.

i spent the next few hours huddled in our tent with others from my group. in spite of the weather, i wanted to see everyone of my “team” still on course finish. the anticipated 15 minutes of rain stretched into hours and the temperature dropped by bounds. one by one we brought people in. JJ, his maiden marathon voyage, ended potentially close to mild hypothermia, his lips blue and his body in bad shape. everyone doing the full missing anticipated goals by an average of 20 minutes. we brought the last one in at 5:15:17 just as the sun decided to poke it’s way through the clouds.

it was rough but it was worth it. somehow a race that tough makes the success even more satisfying.

a few weeks later came the

shamrock 10k and 5k ~ a small local race that my running group puts on. many in my group opt not to run it since we need to staff it, but i’ve been little by little trying to get sab interested in running and she had the goal of running a 5k with me. we picked shamrock since it’s small and with it being staged by my group, she would have an excess of support.  since she’s only eight, and i had no intention of letting her run alone, my initial plan was to simply do the 5k with her but after realizing the 10k started an hour beforehand, it seemed ideal for me to race then pace. if i did it right, i’d have plenty of time to recover between the two.

i started out the 10k feeling like garbage. i’m not sure if it was lingering hangover from girls night out on friday or “feminine issues” ~ there really is nothing worse than having your damn period for a race! from the first step i felt tired and weak but i was determined to PR. though i never gu or anything on distances under nine or ten miles, i was thrilled to find a lingering bag of sport beans in my spibeltand i popped a few at about mile four. that helped ~ a little. at mile five i decided it was time to catch up to three women i’d been following closely behind. a couple of them appeared to potentially be in my age group and knowing this was a small race, i hoped to place. but try as i may, i simply could not close the gap. we passed mile six and i searched for the push i can almost always muster. with about a tenth of a mile left i found it and i broke into a full on sprint and passed all three to cross the line with a 17 second PR of 52:50 and a third place finish for my age group. i did come to find out later that one of the three women i passed was in my age group and had i not found that sprint, i wouldn’t have my first running trophy.

after a few minutes to catch my breath and rehydrate, i got back on the starting line with sab. our plan was to run the first mile then walk/run the rest. given the minimal “training” she had done, i anticipated our finish time to be somewhere in the 50 minute range, maybe a little faster. the most sab had run straight prior to the day was a mile and after hitting that point she never wanted to continue walking or trying to increase the distance. i refuse to push running on her. if she takes to it, i’ll be thrilled but i refuse to be the kind of mom that tries to force a child into certain extra-curriculars. but as recent as  a few days before the race i’d given her the opportunity to switch down to the kids’ 1-mile fun-run but she insisted on the 5k.

we hit the first mile right where i expected ~ about a 12:30 and as planned slowed to a walk right after. i began giving sab little goals. we’ll walk for 3 minutes … then run for 3. or we’ll walk to that tree up ahead then run until we reach the next water table. though i certainly would have walked at any given point she needed, i was quite surprised that she adhered to almost every goal i gave her. and if she did slow, a simple positive “you can do it” was enough to get her going again. with about a half mile left, we saw eko heading toward us. it’s pretty standard in my group that someone always brings you in if possible and certainly the last runner on course never finishes alone. sab thought it was the coolest thing that he came back to run her in.

as we headed into the final stretch i asked sab if she wanted me with her or if she wanted to go it alone. she told me she could do it alone so eko and i pulled off to the side and watched her go. not only did she finish running, she showed herself to truly be my daughter and sprinted across the finish line for a finish time of 40:41.

so there’s the recap. outside of racing my running has been pretty solid. i’m out with the group more often these days and truly enjoy the camaraderie i’ve come to find with them. i know their support will be crucial at mcm and the training prior.

now, since the weather has changed and we seemed to have skipped right over spring and into summer, my focus will be more on training and my race participation will scale down to a few scattered 5ks. well … with the exception of tomorrow. i still want that half marathon pr so i figured i’d take one more stab at it before it gets too hot. i’ll let you know how that goes in sunday’s weekly update.

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